Last night I was having dinner with a friend, who is getting to know my mentoree/"little brother", Jason. They recently got together without me and in the course of the conversation, Jason joked about how I inherited some of the shadow aspects of both of my parents: my mom's well-intentioned but sometimes controlling nature (for example, she never lets anyone cook in her kitchen) and my dad's relentless drive that can escalate into searing competitiveness (warning: don't go bike riding with this 74-year-old man...he will run you into the ground). I smiled when I heard this because I appreciated Jason's powers of perception and my lack of defensiveness. I laughed and said to my friend, that sounds about right. Of course, everyone has a shadow side and I went on to talk about my parents -- especially their tremendous strengths including vast amounts of unconditional love, creativity and optimism -- as well as my own journey in being honest with myself about my shortcomings and learning to more skillfully accept and work with them. In raising or being with kids, they really get to see us -- the good, bad, and the ugly -- and accept us, completing the circle of love. Yup, Jason knows my "stuff" and loves me anyway. That's real intimacy.
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