Some people seem to be in denial of their failings while others tend to go the other way, into aggressive self-criticism. One is not better than the other: both stances are the traps of the ego. I grew up with a loud voice of criticism within, probably the emotional inheritance from my great grandfather, who often berated my dad after his parents divorced and he came to live with my great grandparents. My dad did his best to be kind to us, but sometimes his unprocessed stuff spilled out and all over our family. That was ugly. As an adult, I try to notice any negative self-talk and examine it in a more Buddhist way...not giving it much power but not denying it either. It is a strategy that, for the most part, works for me. So this afternoon, I was genuinely surprised when I came across this long-forgotten photo of me in college. I was touched by my youth, beauty, and innocence, and thought about all the crazy thoughts, insecurities, and criticisms that I leveled at myself back then. How crazy (and human)! Looking back on this picture, I now can see myself more clearly, as a perfectly imperfect young man who was coming out and finding his way in the world. So I laughed at myself when I heard the sharpness self-criticism arising...thinking that these words are as no more true today as they were when I was 21. Glad I can see that now and laugh. As well as love and accept even more, the child within.
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