Tending to my side of the board in close or intimate relationships

Having tea with a long-time friend of mine this late afternoon, in the process of listening to her recent dating experiences, she reminded me about the importance tending to my experience of relating with someone, especially in the early stages of a new relationship. I think it is easy to get caught up in anticipating or analyzing the other person’s actions or words in order to protect one’s self. This approach rarely seems to work.

Maybe the biggest romantic relationship lesson I’ve learned is to be centered in myself. To stay present in my body, noticing how I feel with this new person. Am I relaxed or am I managing the situation in some way? Do I feel a natural physical attraction to him or is this just my mind projecting its wants and desires onto this person?

Because of my meditation practice, I find it is easier to let go of control in all sorts of relationships, including those with work colleagues, family, and friends. Making fewer assumptions about others while noticing my actual experience of them. And since I am less worried about how I am being perceived, I can be more authentic, freely giving the attention, appreciation and affection that arises from my heart.