A new way forward...

Over dinner last night, my spiritual brother, Phil, said something to me that really got my attention: "Why do you believe that your romantic relationships have to involve struggle?" followed by another deep punch to the solar plexus: "Why can't they be joyful and easy with a lot of flow, like most of your friendships?" Talk about stopping me cold.

These are big, really big insights, and go straight to my core beliefs. Yeah, why do my relationships seem to have some big element of struggle in them, whether it is geographical distance, different values, neediness, criticism, etc? Most of my close friendships don't feel difficult nor do my family relationships. So why would I choose lovers where struggle, in some way, is a major element?

I take full responsibility for my life and the romantic choices I have made. I have been naive sometimes by choosing either needy or emotionally-distant partners, giving a lot but not taking the best care of my deepest needs. As an endurance athlete, former Catholic, and serial entrepreneur, maybe I have come to expect struggle and keep unconsciously keep creating it, to feel alive and/or protect my heart. My business partner reminds me that I lost my sister when I was 5 and maybe associate loving someone with struggle and loss. I need to investigate this more, dig deeper, laugh at myself, and see what I discover...

But I do know this: I can choose again. I am ready to allow into my life a relationship where I feel as much love as I put out in the world...in all ways: spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. A relationship that feels very very good.

Last night, I came across a description of a relationship that really warmed my soul:

This couple is interested in nurturing others as well as helping one another to be better, more comfortable with themselves, and more at peace. They tend to be optimistic and to reframe disappointments in the most positive way possible. This pairing has an outstanding warm, kindly, and good-natured quality about it that each side reinforces. This is a very mellow couple, whose emphasis on hospitality reminds people of how healing it is to be around loving, generous people.

The words nurturing, helping, peace, warm, good-natured and mellow really speak to me. This type of relationship is what I choose to create. Amen.