Why I am writing this blog

About a month ago, I was advised by a leader in a gay parenting organization that I might find it difficult to connect with a lesbian or lesbian couple who was looking for a known donor, versus an anonymous one. He encouraged me to become very creative in my outreach efftorts at the same time as a good friend/ex of mine suggested that I write a blog to get my name out there. That is what I have done here, spending a few minutes everyday to write so an appropriate person or couple can find me. At first, it was hard to be so public about this personal dream; but over the last few weeks, my inhibitions in writing have been falling away and I have been using this time and space to talk about things that are close to my heart. What I value and what I am feeling. More like an online journal and workspace to explore issues related to family, being a donor, and life in general.

Some people have asked me why I am opting for this directed donor route rather than being a co-parent or having a kid on my own. With Jason, I was asked to play a more active co-parenting role because of the acrimonious dissolution of his moms' partnership eight years ago and his non-bio mom leaving California and abandoning him. So this time around, I want something more limited in scope, where I provide my genes and love for a lesbian-raised kid, but that's it. Where I act as an "uncle" as the discretion of the lesbian mom or couple. Where I might see the child 1-2 times a month, rather than every weekend that I did with Jason for 14 years.

Most importantly, I want to be there for a child and family as an "extra" support rather as a main source of it. And as person who has practiced Buddhism for over 10 years, I don't have a lot of control issues and value my autonomy and independence as I respect others'. Also, as a known donor, I would have no legal rights and responsibilities, providing a good and appropriate boundary for the family and me. I want a relationship where I can provide love and emotional support for a child, but only in the ways and in the timing that works for his or her moms as well as me. That's my intention and why I am writing this blog.