When America shows and accepts gay characters having sex on soap operas, we have won this "cultural" war....from "One Life to Live," this week

Four good questions to reflect on as 2009 ends

I recently heard a lecture where the speaker challenged the audience to reflect on the following four questions as the year draws to a close:

1. What inspired you?

2. What surprised you?

3. What challenged you?

4. What did you love?

Seeing beyond "us" vs. "them" in 2010

This is my favorite picture of 2009, coming from the Iranian protests of June, when a brave, young anti-government protester protects a motorcycle policeman from harm after the same policeman has been attacking the crowd. Talk about forgiveness and compassion...I am not anywhere close to this level of enlightment.

This photo reminds me of the primary spiritual challenge and opportunity of the human condition: seeing beyond our "separateness" (and labels of liberal, murderer, Jew, environmentalist, conservative, terrorist, banker, etc.) to our commonalities (and oneness) with all human beings. Looking at everyone as a sister or brother, as this young man obviously does.

Most of the suffering in this world, including wars, are caused by our tendency to view others as people wholly separate from ourselves, setting up "a good versus bad" construct. You can see the craziness of this in World War I, for example, when you had relatively similar and modern European people, like the French and German people, gruesomely killing each other over power and ideology. Or in Rwanda, Cambodia, Iraq, Somalia, Congo, etc.

I am not arguing that fearful people who do hateful or crazy things should not be confronted, stopped, or locked up. But I do not have to demonize them in the process. And at the same time, it is important to speak up for the causes I believe in, especially the objective facts are clear...yes, there is global warming, AIDS, poverty, etc. And yes, some of my brothers and sisters are completely wrong-headed in their beliefs (and obviously driven by fear) and sometimes I need to strongly call them out and counter their views. And yes, in the heat of the moment, I am going to forget all this and revert to viewing others as the enemy and as being separate from me. That's only human.

So as this decade ends and a new one begins, I am committing myself to the practice of seeing everyone as my brother or sister, regardless how crazy, angry, murderous, hateful, greedy, or mean that they may act. Even typing these words makes me feel a little vulnerable and "out there". And maybe one day, with steady practice, I can approach the level of compassion, love and forgiveness demonstrated by this young Iranian in the green t-shirt. Not doing this because I want to be a "good" buddhist, but rather doing so for my own inner peace and well-being. And this benefits the world.


(This post is dedicated to my spiritual buddy, Phil, who keeps encouraging me to grow and open up to love in all of its many splendid forms.)

The power of the heart

My dharma buddy Jeff sends this wonderful teaching:

Mind creates the abyss, the heart crosses it

--Nisargadatta

This is what religious fascism looks like

In Iran today, religious police run over protesters. Isn't that ironic?

Another important landmark...first gay marriage in Latin America

This week, we took another important step in the long march towards marriage equality, with the first couple in Latin America getting married. Click here for the full story on the marriage of this male couple in Argentina.

Real holiday spirit

Reviewing the aughties through icons

From today's NYTimes...click here for the full screen view.

Health care reform is a game changer in the battle for the hearts & minds of the middle class

In my opinion, the real reason health care reform has been stonewalled by the Republicans is that they know, if it passes, the Democrats will be seen as the party that truly represents middle class interests, just as this happened after the enactment of Social Security and Medicare. William Kristol and Karl Rove have said so much publicly. For them, this is less about ideology, no matter what they say, and more about pure political power. Read Eric Alterman's piece about this subject on the Daily Beast. Click here.

Developing kindness

When I see virtue in another, I vow to emulate it. When I see evil in another, I look at myself.

--Confucius

"Derek" on the Catherine Tate Show...watch this



A lesson in loving on this Christmas Day

About 10 years ago, I was feeling sorry for myself one Christmas because I didn't have a boyfriend at the time and it seemed that everyone else in my life had a partner. What a difference a decade makes, not necessarily in terms of my circumstances, but in my mindset. While I don't have a boyfriend right now, I am happy and grateful for my life as it is.

Maybe the biggest lesson I've learned in these 10 years is that the trick to feeling love is to give and receive it broadly, to/from nearly everyone in my life, not just from one "special" person. To be loving when I deal with work colleagues, relatives, service people, and folks at the fringes of my life. And I now see the process as its own reward, not as a means to get something in return.

In my experience, the more genuinely loving that we are, the love likely we are to receive it from others, including someone who might make a great partner. In short, the only way to receive love is to give it unconditionally. I am much happier today than I was 10 years, with deeper and more satisfying relationships in all areas of my life.

Grateful for my friends

On this Christmas Eve, I am most grateful for my friends. They are a gift every single day of the year.

Love is the most precious strength a man can have

I really resonate with this passage from my friend David Richo's book, "How to be an Adult in Relationships." Yes, the courage to love is a man's greatest strength:

We men have been taught to concentrate on being brave and strong. But the fear that gets in the way of our being strong doesn't matter as much as the fear that gets in the way of loving, because love is the most precious strength a man can have. May we care about becoming loving more than anything else in life.

Hope in dealing with homophobia and other fears

Dustin Lance Black, the Academy Award-winning screenwriter for "Milk," writes about his recent experience and lessons in dealing with a small, homophobic college, ironically named Hope. I think his story underscores the spiritual idea that the ego's strong tendency to separate people into "us" and "them" is the root of most evil and violence. The antidote is, as Harvey Milk encouraged and Dustin argues, to come out, tell our personal stories and get to know one another.

Harvey believed that “You gotta give ‘em HOPE. You gotta give ‘em HOPE.” Indeed.

Click here for the article from the Daily Beast.

A profile in courage

Read this article about this reformed-oriented cleric, Grand Ayatollah Hossein Ali Montazeri, whose funeral was today in Iran.I love leaders who stand up for their people and freedom...in Iran or in this country.

Seeing beyond people's fears

All throughout the history of man, we've challenged ourselves to be better human beings...inventing democracy, establishing and promoting human rights, creating free and universal education, abolishing slavery, and outlawing discrimination based on race, religion, gender, and sexual orientation.

Last night, our country took an important step forward toward greater democratization and prosperity, with the Senate passing the health care reform bill, bringing us one step closer to having millions join the ranks of the insured and helping the United States catch up to the standards of all first-world countries.

To me, this issue isn't about politics: it is about how you treat your fellow human beings -- with dignity and respect or as a profit center where their health is expendable. And despite all their rhetoric about protecting liberty and choice, Republicans are more wedded to their "free market" ideology, where the great "wisdom" of the markets always reigns supreme, rather than common sense and the common good. (See where the unfettered markets took us in the fall of 2008.) Yes, Democrats can rely too much on government programs for all social ills, which is also a problem. But the reason I am a progressive, in all senses of the word, is that I believe in the power of people and that we all need each other, being interdependent. I also believe in individual initiative and the creativity of people to solve problems, big and small, and thereby extension, the power of the markets. I love the efficiency of markets but I believe the social inequities they produce must also be readdressed in order to create the best possible society.

In watching TV over the weekend, I was struck by the utter lack of compassion in conservatives like George Will, who treat health care reform like a dispassionate debating society topic. This is in contrast to Ted Kennedy, who had no personal reason to care about the poor and working class, other than it was the moral and right thing to do. Despite all his personal problems, he cared for people, even his fellow Republican senators who came to appreciate and love the man (while maybe not endorsing his policies). I am inspired by Ted's example, and I loathe George Will's. (Frankly, I think all conservative commentators should spend a week as a receptionist at an inner city health clinic for the poor before they utter another heartless word.)

As I mentioned to a friend the other day, I have never seriously dated a Republican, conservative, or libertarian, because if my boyfriend or partner doesn't have any compassion for other people and their suffering, how confident can I be that they will be there for me when my situation is difficult, inconvenient, and unprofitable. This is why the GOP has got this health care issue all wrong: they have made this into an ideological litmus test when most people, including same politicians, military service people, and anyone over 65 see health care -- in addition to education, national defense, financial and environmental safeguards -- as part of the "basics" provided by a government of and for the people.

I am encouraged by the Senate's passage of the health care bill, knowing that the GOP will eventually embrace these reforms as their own just like they did with the passage of Social Security and Medicare. While I am open to meeting Republicans who value people (and not just their immediate families) as much as they do their free market principles, I am not holding my breath nor I am expecting to marry a Republican in this lifetime. But you never know, there is that small chance the Party of Palin may modernize and rediscover its heart and compassion (like the Conservative Party in the UK has done) and become the Party of Lincoln again (even though I suspect most Southerners would hate that!) In the meantime, I am going to keep advocating for the basic human rights and responsibilities, seeing beyond people's fears, including my own.

"The American Experience" special on The Civilian Conservation Corps

I just got done watching a special on the Civilian Conservation Corps. So inspiring! FDR was a genius in so many ways: the CCC and Social Security. Conservatives claim he was a socialist back then and just like some do now, but the truth is that he rescued capitalism from its own excesses (of the 1920's), helped preserve the environment (through the CCC), and defeated fascism. Like Washington and Lincoln, FDR saved this country. Click here to watch.

PS Plenty of hot guys in that special, too.

The "real" Joe Lieberman...as a sock puppet

I must be feeling better because I am getting ornery. Watch this funny and very realistic video:

A metaphor for life

This video of this 2500-pound, 4-wheel-drive Subaru sedan helping a semi-truck get unstuck reminds me of the power of a small but determined group of concerned citizens to make change in our society. Earlier this week, I was depressed about the state of health care reform, but having a few days to reflect on this, I am realize that we need to press ahead this good, not perfect, piece of legislation. Human progress usually is evolutionary, not revolutionary. Just like the little Subaru, we all make a difference.

On the flu front, my fever broke this morning and I am feeling much better, having eaten some eggs and toast just now, after 36 hours not eating much.

Dealing with the flu

In the last 36 hours, I have come down with nice bout of the flu. Fortunately, I am at my parents' home in AZ and my mom is taking care of me like I when I was five-years-old. It feels good to be pampered a bit, especially in dealing with a massive headache, nausea, aches and pains, and no energy. I eating am crackers, rice with chicken broth, and toast. That's it. Also, I am sleeping and sleeping, just now waking up at 4AM to get something to drink and take another aspirin. Well, that's all for now and hopefully I will start feeling better tomorrow.

Developing a new relationship with our judgments

Last Sunday night, I went heard a deeply insightful Buddhist lecture on judgment given by Spirit Rock teacher Eugene Cash. Eugene's message is clear and to the point: our self-judgments are mental illusions that we tend to believe, internalize and harm ourselves with. Just like when loose our point of concentration in meditation, Eugene instructs us to gently come back to the present moment, fully inhabit our physical experience and look at our judging thoughts with amusement -- not denying or over-indulging them. Witnessing our thoughts, rather than buying into every anxiety and judgment. This sounds like a good practice for the holiday season!

Enough of my commentary and check out this lecture for yourself. Click here.

Gail Collins writes a great piece on Sen. Lieberman

Today, Gail Collins tries to explain Joe Lieberman's sudden switch on health care reform. It is well worth reading. Click here for the article.

Self-observation as a form of spiritual practice

Self-observation without criticism is the highest form of spiritual practice.

--Swami Kripalu

Sadly, the greed of the insurance companies & GOP is triumphing over the public good & common sense

Tonight, I am disheartened. Sometimes I wonder how some people can look in the mirror and respect themselves. After watching the shameless shenanigans of the insurance companies and GOP in gutting real health care reform, I ask how these leaders can call themselves Christians, in the highest sense of the word. I don't respect anyone who doesn't care about the well-being of all his or her fellow citizens, especially "the least among us." It is hard to watch fear and greed triumph over love, at least in the short-term. It almost makes me want to harden my heart these people, but then I would be just like the people I rail against. Yes, I do know that "love is the answer whatever the question" and I can still be pissed off as hell. And I am!

On manifesting a husband, a wife or anything else

From an email exchange with a spiritual brother, my friend Phil writes:

The feeling you want is what matters.  Focus on the feeling that you want in the relationship--being loved, being seen fully, being appreciated, and feeling the power of a union with a person who is exactly right for you. The Universe will provide.

The only thing I might add to Phil's teaching is to become or be the man you want to attract, being loving to everyone, seeing others fully, appreciating others no matter what they can offer you, and realizing that you are a beautiful son or daughter of God, regardless of your flaws.

The fear underneath

After years of therapy and meditation, I have gotten pretty good at decoding my feelings. I take note when I have a strong reaction to something or move in a certain emotional direction.

The other day, in becoming closer with a good Buddhist friend, I noticed that part of me was anxious after hanging out together. In investigating this feeling, I realized that my subconscious mind is fearful that I might be abandoned by him. This is a rather strong reaction. But thinking about my history in getting to know people more intimately, I realize that I have tendency to hang back in the beginning, seeing if a friend or business colleague or love interest is going to stay around. Interesting!

So where does this feeling come from? I don't have a long history of people disappearing on me. But I do have one critical event in my life that rocked my world forever: when I was five, my beloved and younger sister, Teresa, died suddenly (of a rare kidney cancer). In my childhood eyes, one day I was playing with her and the next day she was dead, on display at the local funeral home. I could not understand how this could be, and I went into a state of shock and fear that lasted for years. And as my business partner Jane has wisely pointed out, not only did I lose my sister on that day, I also lost my family too: my dad and mom changed suddenly, disappearing into their own silos of regret, grief and hurt. In short order, my world changed.

My adult self understands all of this very well, but the young boy inside me is still cautious and wants to know he won't be abandoned if he gets closer. He wants to know that he is safe. I do my best to hold this tender part of me, not either over-indulging or ignoring his feelings. But tender he remains.

Above is a picture of my sister and me about one year before her death (she was in remission but I did not know about her disease at the time). The second photo is of me at Teresa's fresh grave site, taken insensitively by grandmother, when I was in a deep state of shock and grief. Notice my face, my awkwardness and my discomfort for having to pose for this photo. I was not a happy camper.

Yet I really love this sweet and sad boy, and try to pay attention to him -- not change or ignore his fears. Yes, I continue to learn that experiencing his emotions is as important as understanding them.

Sunshine

A friend just gave me a wonderful Christmas card with the following quote:

You are so much sunshine to the square inch!

--Walt Whitman

Yes, we all are part of the beautiful and warming sunshine.

This is what hatred and separation lead to: Iran to execute eight gay teenagers and more

Above is a photo from the 2007 execution of two gay teenagers in Iran. Right now, ten young Iranian men are awaiting execution for sodomy, including eight teenagers. It shocking to see and hear about such brutality, but it is a reality that I choose to face. I am angry about it and tonight, will write the Iranian government to voice my outrage. I don't care if my email is ignored because I believe, that a small band of citizens, with strong and loud voices as well as with love in their hearts, eventually make a difference in helping the oppressed. I believe we must be steadfast in pursuing freedom and equality for LGBT people in every country of the world, including the US.

Read Doug Ireland's report about our Iranian gay brothers and sisters.

And while it is easy to rail against Iran and Islamic fundamentalists, I am also aware that some Christian fundamentalists and political conservatives in this country would jail, and maybe even execute, LGBT people today if they could get away with it. Just like they did in the past.

To end on an optimistic note: Doug Ireland reports, despite the threat of death, queer activists are organizing on Iranian campuses, a testament to the indomitability of love and the human heart. I am going to write that letter now...

Today's New York Times discusses the increasing use of donors and surrogates in creating babies

The lead story in today's Times discusses the possibilities and challenges created by the new world of surrogates, donors, and reproductive technologies. It is well worth a read.


Read the article

Watch the related video story

Gay teenagers today: reaching out beyond "the closet" via blogs and other social media

When I was 13-years-old, growing up in a small town in Illinois, I had a big crush on a fellow student and hockey player, Don Voss, and often felt that crush went both ways. I was too scared to do anything about it back then but all these high school memories came back to me when I came across a posting at Outsports about the blog of a 17-years-old gay midwestern hockey player, named Mike. I am so glad that gay teenagers today can reach beyond the closet to network with other gay kids. It is a good thing. Check out Mike's blog to get a reminder of high school life. The basic social dynamics haven't changed that much...and I have no desire to be in high school again.

Even in the Bible Belt, love can triumph over fear: lesbian Annise Parker elected mayor of Houston

America is changing and growing, regardless if the teabaggers and others are scared. Tonight, Annise Parker was elected mayor of Houston, the largest city ever to elect an openly LGBT mayor. This is an especially gratifying victory for our community given the recent defeats on marriage equality in Maine and New York state. One day, we will triumph and be recognized as full and equal citizens. Until then, we need to keep loving and facing down ignoring and fear.

Obama's Nobel acceptance speech receives near universal praise by both the Left & Right. It is idealist, realistic, and quintessentially American.

I am so proud of our president. Barack Obama, the man that the GOP compared unfavorably to Sarah Palin in last year's election campaign, has given what many have called one of the best speeches on U.S. foreign policy in several decades. Idealistic and realistic, Obama defines and updates the idea of American exceptionalism to fit a multilateral, post-Cold War world. The intelligence, depth and priescence of this man are breathtaking. America is again taking its place as the moral, not just the military and economic leader of the developed world.

Listen to Obama's acceptance speech or the read the full text.

(A note to my conservative friends, not that I have many: I know how hard it is acknowledge the skills and gifts of a president who I do not agree with his policies. I felt the same about Reagan in the past that you might feel about Obama today. However, with hindsight of 20 years, I now can see the great communication and leadership skills of Reagan. Similarly, I hope your disagreement with Obama policies don't blind you to the great genius and Lincoln-like nature of this man.)

Listen to Lt. Dan Choi, and see why he may be the Korean American reincarnation of Harvey Milk

Recently, my friend Phil and I had the chance to meet and listen to Lt. Dan Choi at the MCC Church in San Francisco. He gave a passionate as well as entertaining sermon that moved everyone. He is definitely following in the footsteps of Harvey Milk. While I don't know if I believe in reincarnation, but if it does exist, leave it to Harvey to come back as a butch Korean American soldier.

Listen to Lt. Dan Choi's sermon here

Defining "good-enough" parents and marriages

In this era of over-parenting, this excerpt from a recent New York Times article gets to the heart of what it takes to create healthy adults and marriages. In my opinion, very wise words:

In psychiatry, the term “good-enough mother” describes the parent who loves her child well enough for him to grow into an emotionally healthy adult. The goal is mental health, defined as the fortitude and flexibility to live one’s own life — not happiness. This is a crucial distinction. Similarly the “good-enough marriage” is characterized by its capacity to allow spouses to keep growing, to afford them the strength and bravery required to face the world.

Click here for the full article.

Another reason why I support Obama: he asks the right questions before making a big decision

From last weekend's New York Times article on how Obama came around to support a surge of troops in Afghanistan, our president asked the following strategic questions of our military and diplomatic experts:

...Unsatisfied, the president posed a series of questions:

* Does America need to defeat the Taliban to defeat Al Qaeda?
* Can a counterinsurgency strategy work in Afghanistan given the problems with its government?
* If the Taliban regained control of Afghanistan, would nuclear-armed Pakistan be next?

While I don't like the idea of the U.S. escalating another war, I trust this leader to make the right decision, using his discriminating and curious mind (as opposed to Bush rubber stamping the ideas of his three-headed neo conservative hydra, Cheney-Rumy-Wolfowitz). Check out the whole NYTimes article.

Another view of love

My friend David Richo offers this unique perspective:

Love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present. We show love through sustained and active presence with an unconditional expression of attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection and allowing, and without the conditioned overlays or mindsets of ego, such as judgment, fear, control, and so on.

-- David Richo,"How to be an Adult in Relationships"

Uganda's proposed death penalty for gay people and what you can do to stop this legislation

This proposed new law: If you want your blood to boil, read this article from the Guardian Newspaper in the UK about a proposed bill in the Ugandan Parliament to punish homosexuals with death. Beyond outrageous and barbaric! And watch the video outtake from Rachel Maddow's recent show

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

What we can do to stop it: Since the U.S. provides a large amount of foreign aid (about $400 Million this year) to this country, your phone call or email would put tremendous pressure on the Ugandan government to kill this legislation. LGBT lives literally depend our strong and united action!

His Excellency Professor
Perezi K. Kamunanwire >>
Ambassador Extraordinary and Plenipotentiary
Tel: (202) 726 4758
Fax: (202) 726 1727
pkamunanwire@ugandaembassyus.org

It's all about Joe

This is the worst kind of politician: self-interested. And to think he was the Democratic Vice Presidential candidate.

Honoring exactly what is happening

As long as we are caught up in always looking for certainty and happiness, rather than honoring the taste and smell and quality of exactly what is happening, as long as we’re always running away from discomfort, we’re going to be caught in a cycle of unhappiness and disappointment, and we will feel weaker and weaker. This way of seeing helps us to develop inner strength.

-- Pema Chodron

In honor of Malcolm's 50th birthday

We Two Boys Together Clinging

We two boys together clinging,
One the other never leaving,
Up and down the roads going, North and South excursions making,
Power enjoying, elbows stretching, fingers clutching,
Arm'd and fearless, eating, drinking, sleeping, loving.
No law less than ourselves owning, sailing, soldiering, thieving,
threatening,
Misers, menials, priests alarming, air breathing, water drinking, on
the turf or the sea-beach dancing,
Cities wrenching, ease scorning, statutes mocking, feebleness chasing,
Fulfilling our foray.

--Walt Whitman

A friend sends this about surrender

I AM PROFOUNDLY UNDISTURBED

I believe in the Power of Good in my life.

There is no power in conditions. There is no power in personalities. I feel nothing done against me. Nothing can disturb me. Nothing in my past life has any power to hurt me.

I am making my future by good thinking right now. I commit my way unto the Divine Law of good in my life. All of my plans, all of my hopes, my friends and my family, I place in Spirit’s care. I go about my duties with a serene sense of well-being, calm in the assurance that my life and affairs are in Good Hands.

I live in the present and trust in the future. I have no regrets. I now accept a wonderful new life for myself, trusting the Infinite Wisdom of God working in and through me to bring it into manifestation.

I believe that everything in the Universe is working together for my good. I am undisturbed. I am at peace.

And so it is.

-- "Your Needs Met" by Jack and Cornelia Addington

My political comment of the week: on compassion

Every conservative (and American) should be required to see the movie "Precious" as a compassion practice. Those who lack compassion for others live in a cold, fearful and lonely-ass world, no matter how much money and things that they have.

A fleeting but powerful smile

On my way to yoga class this morning, a rushing middle school girl nearly collided with me on the sidewalk and then flashed me the most beautiful smile. It really touched me.

An exemplar of leadership and courage in the fight for justice and marriage equality

Watch this New York State Senator Ruth Hassell-Thompson speak in favor of a marriage equality bill that, sadly, lost today in the New York Senate.

An ecologist friend of mine writes about the importance of practice

Focal practices are “the challenging, skillful, and sometimes tedious activities required to keep something of value alive."
- Eric Higgs, Nature by Design: People, Natural Processes, and Ecological Restoration, Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2003

The term was coined by Albert Borgman, I believe in “The Device Paradigm,” Chap. 9 in his book Technology and the Character of Contemporary Life: A Philosophical Inquiry (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1984).

The same practice is required for keeping the most important human quality alive: a compassionate and open heart.

Today is World AIDS Day

Until every single human being is healed of this disease, this is a day I will never forget. I miss and love my deceased friend Mike.

The Whitman poem, "I Saw in Louisiana a Live-Oak Growing," sent by a friend who grew up there

I saw in Louisiana a live-oak growing,
All alone stood it, and the moss hung down from the branches;
Without any companion it grew there, uttering joyous leaves of dark green.
And its look, rude, unbending, lusty, made me think of myself;
But I wonder'd how it could utter joyous leaves, standing alone there,
without its friend, its lover near - for I knew I could not;
And I broke off a twig with a certain number of leaves upon it,
and twined around it a little moss,
And brought it away - and I have placed it in sight in my room;
It is not needed to remind me as of my own dear friends,
(for I believe lately I think of little else than of them;)
Yet it remains to me a curious token - it makes me think of many love;
For all that, and though the live-oak glistens there in Louisiana, solitary, in a wide flat place
Uttering joyous leaves all its life, without a friend, a lover, near,
I know very well I could not.

--W. Whitman