Recently, a friend noticed that I don't always follow my heart and say "no" when I want to. This is hard to admit because I don't want to sound like a wimp or a pushover but the truth is more complex than that. For all my mother's strengths and love, she could be manipulative and controlling in a passive aggressive way when I was growing up, and in order to maintain her approval, I often said yes when I really meant no. The problem with this habitual response is that I sacrificed my true authentic feelings to make someone else happy. I know this phenomenon is especially common with gay kids in the 1960's and 70's who had to sacrifice their true desires to maintain family and social acceptable in the most vulnerable areas of life -- dating and sex.
I am now learning to really notice what is going on for me and honor my no when it genuinely arises. To set a firm boundary in a loving way is the best thing I can do for myself and the people in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment