I think there is a growing mass of people in Republican politics who are fundamentally sick and tired about being lectured to about morality and how to live your life by a bunch of people who have been married three or four times and are more likely to be seen outside a brothel on a Thursday night than being at home with their kids... There is a fundamental indecency to the vitriol and the hatred directed against decent people because of their sexuality.
--Anonymous prominent Republican, as reported by Andrew Sullivan
With over 70% of Americans favor the repeal of DADT and 50% favoring marriage equality, it is not surprising to see parts of the GOP waking up to reality and realizing that gay people deserve their constitutional rights. Read this/Joe:
A major same-sex marriage fundraiser hosted by former RNC chairman Ken Mehlman and other Republicans provides one of the sharpest illustrations of how gay rights is becoming a cause among more elite, establishment members of the GOP. In addition to Mehlman, who recently announced that he was gay, the list of attendees includes several surprises, such as Ben Ginsburg, one of the Republican Party's top lawyers, and Henry Kravis and Paul Singer, two of the biggest donors to the GOP. According to one gay-rights activist involved in similar efforts, the fundraising pool goes even deeper. "There is a strong conservative case to be made in favor of gay marriage," former McCain campaign manager and fellow same-sex marriage fundraiser Steve Schmidt told the Huffington Post on Tuesday. --Sam Stein
Beyond being smart and having good judgment, my president has good taste: he likes earth tones and inspiring quotes from some of our most vaunted leaders. Read about it here. W. favored gold and sun rays, underscoring his regal way of governing and dealing with the world.
I just noticed that I have blogging here for over a year. 735 posts later, I am still enjoying it even though I am not sure who reads my words or follows my passions. But that's not a problem or the point. My main purpose here is express myself on a range of personally important topics, including spirituality, relationships, politics, and human nature, as well as learn more about each one. In short, I am learning as I blog and share, which is a beautiful thing in itself.
Thanks to all my readers for dropping by, sharing their ideas and reactions with me, and witnessing my journey. All my best.--Joe
Recently, a friend noticed that I don't always follow my heart and say "no" when I want to. This is hard to admit because I don't want to sound like a wimp or a pushover but the truth is more complex than that. For all my mother's strengths and love, she could be manipulative and controlling in a passive aggressive way when I was growing up, and in order to maintain her approval, I often said yes when I really meant no.
The problem with this habitual response is that I sacrificed my true authentic feelings to make someone else happy. I know this phenomenon is especially common with gay kids in the 1960's and 70's who had to sacrifice their true desires to maintain family and social acceptable in the most vulnerable areas of life -- dating and sex.
I am now learning to really notice what is going on for me and honor my no when it genuinely arises. To set a firm boundary in a loving way is the best thing I can do for myself and the people in my life.
These past few days have been a good lesson. Despite that I feel it is a positive development that former Republican Chairman Ken Mehlman came out recently, part of me was filled at anger and hate at all the anti-gay things he has done to win elections on behalf of George W. Bush. I was surprised to see that I had such self-righteousness in my being, what felt like a hangover feeling from the Bush/Cheney years.
They called Ken the most vile names, wished for his physical harm, and treated him in the worst possible way. The antidote for these difficult feelings was reading the vitriolic comments of gay bloggers on many the popular sites, and really being with these harsh words...seeing into them, into the conditions and actions that caused them, and into myself.
I can understand my fellow gay bloggers anger with Ken, but I don't share the same behavior. Reading the words of hate from my own community reminded me of the importance of forgiving and moving forward, like Gandhi, King, and Mandela did.
Being at Harbin Hotsprings this weekend, I was reminded of the splendor and restorative qualities of nature. I also was there in the company of a close circle of male friends who laughed, played, argued, and ate together. I felt and feel connected to all things, and here is a passage from Thomas Traherne that beautifully conveys this idea:
You will never know the world aright till the Sea floweth in your Veins, till you are Clothed with the Heavens, and Crowned with the Stars; And perceive yourself to be the Sole Heir of the Whole World; And more then so, because Men are in it who are every one Sole Heirs, as well as you. Till you are intimately Acquainted with that Shady Nothing out of which the World was made; Till your spirit filleth the whole World and the Stars are your Jewels; Till you love Men so as to Desire their Happiness with a thirst equal to the zeal of your own.
Ken Mehlman now wants to use his contacts and influence to help me win the right to marry. I don't care if he ripped the heads off baby bunnies back in 2004, if he's willing to help us now. My enemy's enemy is my friend. And if Ken Mehlman wants to be my friend, and start on the path towards making up for all the bad things he did in the past, I'm not going to spurn his help, and set our movement and community back by missing this incredible opportunity, simply because the guy (rightfully) pisses me off.
Feel compassion for his suffering, for you have known the same suffering.
I remember when I looked down on the drag queens because I thought I was better than them, I was a gay man who was going to assimilate and show people gay people were no different from straights, in fact, we were better than they were. And, my type of gay man was certainly better than those drag queens. It was not until I realized that it was the drag queens who had the most courage, who stood up for us, and who really lived in truth, that I came to love them because I saw them for what they were--warriors for us and truth. I was not. By taking the assimilationist route, I was a coward. But, no more. I celebrate them and I celebrate every act of integrity--getting the insides and outsides to match. Ken Melman has taken the first step towards integrity. Now, let us help him take all the rest which follow. Telling the truth must be followed by acting in truth for redemption. And you are 1000% right. That means putting your words, your actions, and your treasure in the right place.
Your insides and outsides match, and if we help Ken Melman, his may well too. That is the opportunity we can give him, and every other of our brothers and sisters. Remember what Mandela taught in Invictus, if we treat them the way they expect us to, we will never win but only repeat the cycle of hatred. We must treat them better than they have treated us. Mandela showed us it works.
Feel anger for the treatment he has given our people. It makes me feel cold-blooded fury, but I also find in that fury at myself for the way I treated myself for so many years. And that gives me compassion, for me, for my brothers, and for him. The anger is appropriate and right. To not feel it would be to disassociate ourselves. If he has hurt us this much, imagine how much he has hurt himself. And for that pain he has caused himself, we can feel compassion for we have known what it feels like to hate ourselves.
Imagine the self-hatred which must be in someone to persecute his own people--those just like him-- to say, "I hate myself so much that I will persecute and attempt to destroy all those like me, and, ultimately, myself." For if he were to destroy us, he would also destroy himself. He will not destroy us, but his acts could very well destroy him. We can only destroy ourselves if we act the way he did.
Feel the anger, understand where it comes from, and then release it. Holding on to it will only hurt you, not him. Releasing it will free you. Forgiving him will empower you. And in that forgiveness, forgive yourself for every step you may have taken on the journey which was not in the right direction. You take only right steps now, and you learned from the missteps. Let us hope, and help, he will too. I know that I took many missteps, and now I work each day to take steps only in the right direction.
Give him the opportunity to change by telling him how to live in integrity. That means having his outsides and insides match.
Love means showing him the right way. You are doing that, and showing everyone else too.
I have really mixed emotions about Ken's coming out. (Andy Towle reports on Ken's announcement.) On one hand, I am pissed that he has condoned the anti-gay antics of his party over many years. For example, he helped put dogmatic Supreme Court justices on the bench who continue to deny us our constitutionally-guaranteed civil rights. Ken now enjoys the growing legal protections and social acceptance that I have spent 30 years fighting for. He wants us to have compassion and understanding for him, when he had very little for us and our political allies. (This is hard!)
And on the other hand, his coming out is a good thing for our society and the movement for full LGBT equality. This helps recasts our cause as a human rights struggle, not a partisan issue (GOP vs. Democrat). Ken may be able to bring his political and financial resources to bear in helping to overturn Prop 8, DOMA, and DADT. And it sends a message to Republican voters that queers are everywhere, so get used it.
Part of me is mad at Ken, like many LGBT activists are. While he has his millions and connections (gained by practicing the dark political arts for conservative causes), I have my self-respect and pride in being myself and being part of this movement for equality. But by being closeted and living a lie, Ken has already suffered greatly from his own shame. In time, I might forgive him, but will not forget what he has done. But to redeem himself, he needs to do the work, unselfishly using his resources and skills to advance our cause. Now is the time to show us, Ken, by your deeds that you care as much about our movement as you do about your own fame and bank account.
Today, the "party of no" is also proving to be the party of fear: whether it is the fanning the flames of the religious and racial intolerance or seeding doubts about the first black president's birthplace or religion. Absolutely shameful, and the party of Lincoln knows it. (BTW, if Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he would be a progressive Democrat and his political adversaries would be named McConnell, Boehner, and Sessions.) Read about the latest GOP misdeed.
I spent the last three days in the Sierras, totally disconnected from technology. My cell phone didn't even work where we were camping. After several days of listening to the wind rushing through our aspen grove, hiking and swimming, enjoying the alpine ambience, I feel totally renewed and have different relationship to my computer, iphone, twitter feeds, etc. My mind is concentrated, relaxed, and not grasping for the latest news tidbit. I feel more present in my own life. And happier.
Technology is important and enjoyable, but as with most things, the Middle Way is best. Watch this PBS Newshour segment on the importance of disconnecting from all your devices and reconnecting with friends and family.
Conservative WorldNet Daily founder Joseph Farah had dumped Ann Coulter as keynote speaker at its "Taking America Back National Conference" because Coulter had agreed to speak at gay Republican group GOProud's 'Homocon' event in September. These people deserve each other.Read about it.
Ted is the real deal: a thinking conservative who realizes the rule of law (not the mob) and the individual rights, as guaranteed by our wise constitution, are worth fighting and even dying for. This is authentic patriotism. I am so grateful that he is one of our talented attorneys for LGBT equality.
Even during difficult personal times, I try to enjoy my life, especially mundane but satisfying things: the taste of peach, the sun on my face, and the smile of a child. Joy is always available, even behind the darkest clouds. Joe
We all know what it’s like to get trapped in dark, constricting states of mind—and how useless it is, in terms of awakening, to dwell there. That is exactly what the Buddha taught: we don’t need to stay stuck in greed, hatred, and delusion. Life can be lighter, more workable, even when it’s challenging. This lightening up, which I see as an aspect of joy, is the fruit of insight into anatta, the selfless nature of reality, and anicca, the truth of impermanence. When we are not attached to who we think we are, life can move through us, playing us like an instrument. Understanding how everything is in continual transformation, we release our futile attempts to control circumstances. When we live in this easy connection with life, we live in joy.
Gays participate in an annual college kiss-in rite at a South African university and set off a furor in the press. We're changing this world one kiss at a time.
We come up with a list of reasons to justify meditation. We think that we’re going to get something from it–that it will lower our blood pressure, reduce our stress, calm us down, or enhance our concentration. And, we tell ourselves, if we meditate long enough, and in just the right way, it might even bring us to enlightenment. All of this is delusion. --Steve Hagen
I doubt if the cynical GOP is up to Mark Halperin's moral challenge to them, in protecting the first amendment of the Constitution, guaranteeing religious freedom of all Americans. But one can hope...
by Mark Halperin, Time.com
Dear Republican Party:
Your moment is now.
This weekend, President Obama defended the right of Muslims to build a community center and mosque two short blocks from Ground Zero, despite cries of insensitivity from some New Yorkers and accusations of mischief from some pundits. This finally gives you an opportunity to add a powerful national-security cudgel to the message of economic woe you have been pushing as the midterm election approaches.
The political potency of the issue is obvious. Polls overwhelmingly show the President has put himself on the wrong side of public opinion. Opposition to the new facility arouses acute emotion and creates near total unity among relatives of 9/11 victims, first responders, Republican officeholders, potential 2012 presidential candidates, Tea Party members, the Fox News–talk radio–Drudge Report echo machine and many of the highly coveted swing and occasional voters whom you will need at the polls to win in November.
Up until now, you have restricted yourself as much as possible to an economic message, eschewing social issues and foreign policy as you try to establish contrasts for the electorate between your brand and the Obama-Pelosi-Reid record. This is a smart, straightforward strategy, since worried voters chiefly are concerned about unemployment and the nation's future financial prospects.
But you also have been frustrated by the President's skill at limiting Democratic vulnerability on the party's traditional weak spot, national-security issues. Sure, Obama remains a young, inexperienced Commander in Chief with few discernible foreign policy achievements. But he has left almost no room for attack on his security record. He has shrewdly retained Bush's Defense Secretary (letting Robert Gates take the lead on Pentagon budget cutting); continued many of the previous Administration's antiterrorism policies at home and abroad, to the chagrin of some civil libertarians; engaged in a tough assassination campaign against suspected al-Qaeda operatives around the world; and emphasized the necessity of winning in Afghanistan, placing the revered David Petraeus in charge of the game plan. In 2008, Obama was the first Democratic presidential candidate since Bill Clinton in 1992 to successfully play offense on national-security issues, and his bold choices and canny instincts have thus far served him well in warding off GOP assaults in office. All the while, he has adeptly dodged the Muslim issue, often a subject of slick gossip and bizarre innuendo, which you have wisely left to gather dust since the campaign.
Now Obama has given you an in. At a White House dinner on Friday celebrating the start of Ramadan, the President took a position. "Muslims have the same right to practice their religion as everyone else in this country," he said. "That includes the right to build a place of worship and a community center on private property in Lower Manhattan, in accordance with local laws and ordinances." This remark opened the door so wide that walking through it will be effortless. Even your usually tone-deaf national chairman, Michael Steele, could not mess this one up. If you go full force on the offensive, every Democratic candidate in every competitive race in the country will have three choices, none of them good, when asked about the Islamic center: side with Obama and against public opinion; oppose Obama and deal with the consequences of intraparty disunity; or refuse to take a position, waffling impotently and unattractively at a crucial time.
Say what you will about the wisdom of Obama's policies overall, but his belated commentary on religious freedoms clearly was not done for political gain. Quite the contrary. the President knew that he and his party would almost certainly pay a political price for taking a stand, especially this close to the election, and with few prominent leaders, other than New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, on the White House's side. The reaction since the President spoke has been vitriolic and unvarying from leading voices on the right, painting Obama as weak, naive, out of touch and obtuse (not to mention flip-flopping, after his confusing follow-up comments Saturday suggested to some that he might be hedging his position).
Yes, Republicans, you can take advantage of this heated circumstance, backed by the families of the 9/11 victims, in their most emotional return to the public stage since 2001.
But please don't do it. There are a handful of good reasons to oppose allowing the Islamic center to be built so close to Ground Zero, particularly the family opposition and the availability of other, less raw locations. But what is happening now — the misinformation about the center and its supporters; the open declarations of war on Islam on talk radio, the Internet and other forums; the painful divisions propelled by all the overheated rhetoric — is not worth whatever political gain your party might achieve.
It isn't clear how the battle over the proposed center should or will end. But two things are profoundly clear: Republicans have a strong chance to win the midterm elections without picking a fight over President Obama's measured words. And a national political fight conducted on the terms we have seen in the past few days will lead to a chain reaction at home and abroad that will have one winner — the very extreme and violent jihadists we all can claim as our true enemy. As I said, Republicans, this is your moment. As a famous New Yorker once urged in a very different context: Do the right thing.
I agree with a reader at Andrew Sullivan's blog, who writes:
I'm a foster parent, in a school district that still engages in integration motivated busing. Our black foster child was behind grade level when she came to us last summer, even though she was coming from a suburban school with very high test scores. We live in the significantly more affluent (predominantly white) neighborhood of the two this school serves. The other neighborhood is low income and a mix of Latino and black families. The test scores from our neighborhood match the high scores of our school district, while the test scores from the other neighborhood fall well below acceptable levels.
To give her an opportunity to catch up, our daughter was placed in a class with one of the top teachers in the school and in a reduced sized classroom (16 kids). This classroom was divided between kids who were performing well (majority white) and kids who needed work (mostly students of color). Over the course of the year, our daughter made significant strides in her test scores, reading ability, and math skills. I do not believe the other struggling children who entered her class saw the same level of success.
It was clear to me that as beneficial as the smaller class size and skill of her teacher were, they would have all been wasted had our foster daughter not been getting four simple things from us:
1. A regular bed time 2. Regular meals 3. Set time to do homework every night 4. Parental involvement and expectation
I'm a huge liberal, who believes in proper school funding and smaller class sizes. However, I'm tired of the belief that schools are failing simply because of underfunding.
The headlines of these ads read "karate lessons", promoting a karate school in Florida. These ads play off the fear of many heterosexual parents, that their sons will grow up to be queer. This sort of homophobia leads to all sorts of suffering, including this extreme story of a man killing an infant boy for "acting like girl."
"Man up," "Don't act like a girl," and "What a waste" are some of the not too subtle ways in which gay boys and men are told by society that they are not right or enough. This makes me angry and sad.
(BTW, one gay blogger had a different and positive take on this ad: as a kid, he kept getting beaten up so his dad made him take karate lessons. One day he beat the hell out one of his bullies and never had a problem again. His view: karate lessons are especially a good thing for gay boys. I am fine with karate lessons, but not with the ads.)
Andrew Sullivan argues that Obama should lay our economic debacle clearly on its creators: the "cut taxes and spend" Republicans of the George W era. The Conservative Party is following this strategy as it makes deep cuts to its fiscal budgets: Now, the Tories have only just gotten into office, while Obama has had a year and a half to be accountable. But they are doing what Obama should, in my view, have done from the start: relentlessly remind people of what the GOP did to this country. Obama allowed the hacks on the right to pivot immediately to pinning the entire deficit and debt on Obama - and, amplified by the FNC, they have somehow managed to turn the debate back into the exhausted big-government vs little-guy choice - rather than debating exactly what, if anything, we can do to rescue ourselves from the Bush-Cheney hangover.
Here's an alternative approach - aggressively blaming even future bleakness on the GOP, matching their refusal to take any responsibility for the worst period of governance in modern times with a no-holds-barred assault on their brand. It will soon be time for Obama to go on the offensive against these nihilists and amnesiacs and to remind people of the difference between the arsonist and the fire-fighter.
We often feel our everyday existence is a distraction from our spiritual intention. When this happens, life is divided between the sacred and mundane, and the mind pits one concept against the other. But belief shapes reality, and if the belief is maintained that the sacred lies somewhere else other than Now, our spiritual life will be governed by that limitation. The truth is that the sense-of-self is not separate from the moment in which it is arising, any more than the sense-of-self is outside the mind that it thinks it possesses. In fact, realizing the undivided mind also heals the dualistic notion of “me” being outside the moment.
Read the analysis of ace lawyer and guest blogger at Towleroad.com, Ari Ezra Waldman about Judge Walker's gutsy stay decision announced this afternoon.
This inspiring article in the Washington Post, about a group of disabled American veterans climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, reminded of my friend Nick, who is also there, on an un-related trip, making the trek up the mountain with friends. My hat is off to all people who are facing their fears and climbing the mountain...a real or imagined one.
The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you've gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you've gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you've gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten words so I can talk with him?
What is Skillful Speech? Skillful speech begins by refraining from lying, slander, profanity, and harsh language. We should avoid language that is rude, abusive, disagreeable, or malicious, and we should abstain from talk that is foolish, idle, babble, or gossip. What remains are words that are truthful, kind, gentle, useful, and meaningful. Our speech will comfort, uplift, and inspire, and we will be a joy to those around us.
Yesterday, I heard the story of these 10 Christian medical volunteers who were lined up and murdered by the Taliban. No, they weren't out in the field trying to convert Muslims into Christians. No, they were giving of themselves and their lives, to do something for the poor and needy in Afghanistan, and their charity had been doing so since 1966. Read their story. They were real Christians.
The secret of seeing things as they are is to take off our colored spectacles. That being-as-it-is, with nothing extraordinary about it, nothing wonderful, is the great wonder. The ability to see things normally is no small thing: to be really normal is to be unusual. In that normality begins to bubble up inspiration.
Here is a recent blog post by Nathan Tabak from change.org about the work we need to do to change hearts and minds about marriage equality:
We all hope for the best from the courts during the next few years of litigation. In the meantime, I advise supporters of equality to closely read a new study from the LGBT Mentoring Project. This report, written by longtime LGBT activist David Fleischer, not only analyzes the reasons why Proposition 8 passed in 2008, but also reveals how we can learn from our defeat to win future ballot initiatives.
Here are just a few of the report’s findings: It was all about the kids. Remember the ad that featured a mother reacting in horror as her daughter tells her that “I learned I can marry a princess?” Yes on 8’s most effective ads targeted parents and raised fears that children would be taught about homosexuality and (one can infer) gay sex in school. Parents ran away from marriage equality in droves – about 500,000 of them, according to the Report. Messaging matters. While the Yes on 8 campaign found an attack that worked and aimed it straight at the guts of California parents, the No on 8 campaign never managed to find a similarly clear, compelling message. In fact, the campaign was roiled by dissent over how to respond to the Yes on 8 attacks, and ended up wasting sixteen costly days before responding directly to the “princess” ad. The response ad ended up winning back a respectable minority of parents, though not enough to swing the outcome of the vote. Racial minorities aren’t to blame. While majorities of African-Americans did vote for Proposition 8, they didn’t provide the margin of victory. That came from the parents who swung in favor of Prop 8. Moreover, minority support for Prop 8 may also prove to be vulnerable with a stronger outreach effort from our side.
We face an uphill climb. This finding may be the bitterest pill for marriage equality supporters to swallow, but it should be acknowledged: Many voters were confused by the counterintuitive wording on the ballot, which asked them to vote “no” for same-sex marriage, and “yes” against it. The Report finds that this wrong-way voting disproportionately benefited our side; had all voters cast their ballots based purely on intent, Prop 8 would have won by a million votes – over 400,000 greater than the official count. We can still win. As the report’s recommendations note, “[t]here is no secret recipe that we can just follow to win.” But it does offer a series of general recommendations, including: working to persuade voters in between campaigns; and preparing for “kids” attacks. What’s more, the site actually features videos of conversations with skeptical voters, showing how they can be persuaded to support marriage rights even in the face of attacks like the “Princess” ad.
We face a long and difficult fight ahead of us no matter how we pursue the cause of marriage equality. We may hope for a resounding Loving v. Virginia equivalent that establishes same-sex marriage as a constitutional right. But we can’t stake the future of marriage equality solely on how a single Justice might vote three or four years (or more) from now. We must keep fighting outside the courts, working to win over voters, and digging in for the long haul.
I think there is a growing mass of people in Republican politics who are fundamentally sick and tired about being lectured to about morality and how to live your life by a bunch of people who have been married three or four times and are more likely to be seen outside a brothel on a Thursday night than being at home with their kids... There is a fundamental indecency to the vitriol and the hatred directed against decent people because of their sexuality.
