Read this thought-provoking article in Details. It asks a difficult question that I had to face about six years ago, when my long-time mentoree, Jason, "came out" to me. My initial reaction was surprise and, unfortunately, private disappointment. While part of me wanted to protect Jason from the challenges and discrimination that my gay brother and I have faced as a gay men, another unconscious part of me had expectations that Jason would grow up straight, marry, have kids and lead a "normal" life. I realized then that I still suffered from internalized homophobia despite being out and a LGBT advocate for over 20 years.. The weekend after his coming out, Jason and I went out for a great celebratory lunch. I noticed my mixture of emotions, including pride in his authenticity and courage as well as the strong desire to protect Jason from any opportunistic, predatory men. However, over time, I just relaxed and let go, haven't thought about it much since that time.
Now as I am read a psychology book called "The Velvet Rage," which dissects the emotionally-stunting shame that most gay men suffer as they come of age in this straight world, I really want to cry. I realize that until we change our attitudes towards gay people on a deep level and truly celebrate (rather than just tolerate) their sexual orientation, our (gay) children are going to suffer. And we will too.
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