People are afraid that if they let go of their anger and righteousness and wrath, and look at their own feelings—and even see the good in a bad person—they're going to lose the energy they need to do something about the problem. But actually you get more strength and energy by operating from a place of love and concern. You can be just as tough, but more effectively tough.
--Robert Thurman
I recently saw the movie "No" and was reminded that, in order to persuade people to your point of view, anger and righteousness are not the most compelling ways to do it, even when you have been subjected to all sorts of indignities - including discrimination, torture, and other abuses, like the LGBT community has. Rather, in most situations, communicating from a place of 'love and concern' tends to be more effective way of persuading others to your point of view. Especially when your intended audience can personally relate to your positive-oriented messages.
For example, in the recent marriage equality battles in November, the pro-marriage forces won for the first time by conveying the message that the LGBT have the same "love and commitment" to their partners as straight people do. These winning ads included straight people talking about their relationships and how they want to extend the same rights and responsibilities of marriage to the LGBT families in their lives. In previous elections, we had failed, often, with angry TV commercials focused on our grievances and demands.
Of course, there are exceptions to this lesson as ACT-UP proved in the late 80s. These savvy LGBT and AIDS activists used their anger to get the attention of policy makers and the general public about the fact that thousands were dying because of the homophobia, lack of political leadership, and bureaucracy of Reagan and Bush administrations. They used non-violent, creative means to express their frustration, garnering hours of free media coverage. And once they got their attention, ACT-UP leaders sat down and had constructive conversations with the political and medical establishments -- leading to the development of new drugs that keep millions of people alive.
Sadly, these lessons learned were lost on the Occupy Wall Street movement, who gave voice to their anger with the 1%, but little else. And often these lessons are lost on me, including in my political conversations with homophobic opponents and a few conservative family members. In short, I can be a more effective communicator by tapping into my wisdom and compassion.
The only way I am going to truly learn this lesson is to be more aware of my thoughts and behavior, and to extend the 'love and concern', that Robert Thurman talks about, to myself.
--Joe
I recently saw the movie "No" and was reminded that, in order to persuade people to your point of view, anger and righteousness are not the most compelling ways to do it, even when you have been subjected to all sorts of indignities - including discrimination, torture, and other abuses, like the LGBT community has. Rather, in most situations, communicating from a place of 'love and concern' tends to be more effective way of persuading others to your point of view. Especially when your intended audience can personally relate to your positive-oriented messages.
For example, in the recent marriage equality battles in November, the pro-marriage forces won for the first time by conveying the message that the LGBT have the same "love and commitment" to their partners as straight people do. These winning ads included straight people talking about their relationships and how they want to extend the same rights and responsibilities of marriage to the LGBT families in their lives. In previous elections, we had failed, often, with angry TV commercials focused on our grievances and demands.
Of course, there are exceptions to this lesson as ACT-UP proved in the late 80s. These savvy LGBT and AIDS activists used their anger to get the attention of policy makers and the general public about the fact that thousands were dying because of the homophobia, lack of political leadership, and bureaucracy of Reagan and Bush administrations. They used non-violent, creative means to express their frustration, garnering hours of free media coverage. And once they got their attention, ACT-UP leaders sat down and had constructive conversations with the political and medical establishments -- leading to the development of new drugs that keep millions of people alive.
Sadly, these lessons learned were lost on the Occupy Wall Street movement, who gave voice to their anger with the 1%, but little else. And often these lessons are lost on me, including in my political conversations with homophobic opponents and a few conservative family members. In short, I can be a more effective communicator by tapping into my wisdom and compassion.
The only way I am going to truly learn this lesson is to be more aware of my thoughts and behavior, and to extend the 'love and concern', that Robert Thurman talks about, to myself.
--Joe
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