Zen precept #9: Not misusing sexuality.
When I first heard this precept it sounded puritanical and restrictive to me, and, being a former Catholic, that's not a place that I wanted to go. Having investigated this precept ore , one of my favorite Zen teachers, Darlene Cohen, who passed away recently, talked about how sexuality is a chance to wake up (not escape) to our bodies, our partners, and, most importantly, to the compassion for ourselves and others.
She encouraged me to notice my energy during sex and see if it coming from a loving place versus a needy one. Just to notice and observe. Maybe my favorite bit wisdom of hers was about when you have doubts whether to have sex with someone, Darlene would say, "Compassion should always trump passion." This precept encourages me to bring those two together.
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