Recently, I have been asking myself why did I tolerate such mean and judgmental behavior from someone who I was really close to? Why didn't I end this emotionally-corrosive relationship many months earlier?
These are difficult things that I try to hold and ponder without being harshly critical of myself. But looking back, I stayed in this relationship because I saw the innate goodness in this other person...and I still do. I tried to ignore his fear, which the Course in Miracles says it isn't real in a spiritual sense. I hoped that my love would heal and transform his fear, which I was wrong about and isn't my job.
I am learning to accept other people for exactly who they are right now, not what I would like him or her to be. Also, I need to take better care of my inner little kid, speaking from my heart when someone does something to offend me. Being open and loving AND with clear and appropriate boundaries.
I am living and learning along this messy path of life. I don't mind saying that I was a fool for love (in this past relationship). But I have grown and deepened. As the movie The Tree of Life so wonderfully talks about, I chose "the way of grace:" that difficult but satisfying life approach that emphasizes forgiveness, compassion, and love.
No comments:
Post a Comment