4/30/11
4/29/11
What a couple and wedding!
Yeah, I am a little old school when it comes to royalty. I like it as long as they are just figureheads and not taking off my head.
I am so glad that Princess Diana's eldest son married a sensible and strong woman like Kate Middleton, who will help modernize the monarchy. Yes, it was worth waking up at 3AM in my Las Vegas hotel room to enjoy this ancient ritual and the uniquely British pageantry. If middle class Kate hadn't attended St. Andrew's where she met William, she and her family might have been outside Buckingham Palace like thousands of cheering subjects on his wedding day. Having the grand-daughter of an English coal miner marry into this royal family is good on many levels.
4/27/11
Much ado about nothing...well, in this case, racism. Today, Obama releases his long-form birth certificate
Another page in America's long history of racism is turned today, but this chapter is still open. Birthers will other public reasons to hate the first mixed race president, who truly promotes equality, opportunity, justice for all. Change is difficult and scary for many.
4/26/11
Lesbian-raised Zach Wahls talks with Thomas Roberts
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Budweiser's first gay ad? Beautiful, whatever it is.
This is about love, whether expressed in a platonic or romantic relationship, it doesn't matter.
4/25/11
4/24/11
On this Easter holiday, what is the significance of Christ's resurrection?
The Indian yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda once asked his followers to address these questions: "How to become like Christ? How to resurrect the Eternal Christ within one’s self?"
Yogananda said, "I am not referring to a literal return of Jesus to earth. He came two thousand years ago and, after imparting a universal path to God’s kingdom, was crucified and resurrected; his reappearance to the masses now is not necessary for the fulfillment of his teachings. What is necessary is for the cosmic wisdom and divine perception of Jesus to speak again through each one’s own experience and understanding of the infinite Christ Consciousness that was incarnate in Jesus. That will be his true Second Coming."
My mind as a mirror
The perfect man employs his mind as mirror.
It grasps nothing, it refuses nothing.
It receives, but does not keep.
--Taoist saying
Via Zen Calendar
4/23/11
Good news: more evidence that the majority of Catholics are supportive of same-sex unions & marriage
The New York Times reports on this research finding. Given that our burgeoning Latin population tends to be Catholic, this is good news.
The power of the question, not the answer
It is not the answer that enlightens, but the question.
--Eugene Ionesco
Via Zen Calendar
Andrew Sullivan discusses same-sex love
From gay libertarian Andrew Sullivan at the Daily Dish:
Leland de la Durantaye argued that it's not. David Link seconds my distinction between friendship and love, but notes how many on the right fervently want to describe gay relationships as chosen friendships rather than an unchosen orientation leading to romance:
Those who argue that homosexuality is a choice view us, and view our relationships, as friendships either perverted or at best gone wrong. We have often been called, even sometimes sympathetically, “friends” (Uncle Albert and his “friend” will be coming to dinner), but that was a nice way of avoiding the real subject. It kept the language of same-sex relationships in a closet of its own, a frame that helped everyone cope.
You don’t hear that kind of language from our supporters any more. Only our opponents are clinging to that outmoded notion of choice. They think the whole debate over same-sex relationships is about our choice of friends. They still can’t, or won’t, imagine that the flood of emotions and connections that they recognize as love can occur between two people of the same sex ... They want us to have friends. They just refuse to believe that the powerful and mysterious forces they remember and/or experience with love can happen, for some people, with members of their own sex, and are every bit as gratifying and amazing — are, in fact, the same thing they know so well.
This reminds me of a social occasion when Aaron and I bumped into former Senator George Allen. I introduced Aaron (not without extreme pleasure) as my husband. Allen asked where we had gotten married. When I said Massachusetts, he said: "So you all are trying to export marriage from Massachusetts to here." Nope, I said, because we cannot (this was before DC's marriage law came into effect). I then asked Allen why he would object to a committed, legally protected relationship in the first place. He answered, memorably, "I just want you to be friends."
Can you imagine anyone saying that a straight married couple?
RIP: Dr. Alfred Freedman, who led the drive to declare homosexuality was not a mental disorder in 1973
From Towleroad.com: Dr. Alfred Freedman, who was president of the American Psychiatric Association when it declared that homosexuality was not a mental disorder in 1973, has died at the age of 94. The ruling subsequently led to the removal of homosexuality from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
4/22/11
The best definition of a good man that I have heard...
Being a good man is someone "who finds a way to live a life of congruence, meaning that he is the same guy in public as he is in private, the same guy at work, with his kids, with his wife, and in his friendships."
-- As told to Tom Matlack of The Good Man Project
A picture of my friend, Robert Thomas, one of the best men I know.
Andrew Sullivan on the GOP's birther conspiracy...
I, for one, do not find it odd that a party that can debate the idea that the earth is 6,000 years' old is also capable of believing that a birth certificate is not a birth certificate. The criterion is not empirical evidence but dogged, reactionary hostility to anything libruls believe. We have left the realm of reality and entered the world, previousy exclusively occupied by the pomo-left, of identity as truth. "We are right because we are white" is no different in logic than "we are right because we are black" which is perilously close to where the academic left went in the 1990s. A reader adds:
To sustain belief in the birther conspiracy, one must first believe that Obama's short-form birth certificate, which satisfies State Department requirements for passport issuance, is nevertheless a rare example of undisclosed fraud. Then one must conclude that the Honolulu newspaper announcements of Obama's birth are exceptionally rare examples that actually occurred in a faraway land, which must be particularly uncommon in a remote locale like Hawaii. In order to be a birther, one must have blind faith in the exceedingly improbable.
Read the whole post here.
4/21/11
Friday Night Lights: beginning its final season
This is one of my favorite TV shows ever, right up there with Six Feet Under and The Sopranos. I don't think I have ever seen anything on TV that better represents the feelings in my heart, especially the love. FNL so beautifully depicts the human condition, in its strength and its vulnerability. Eric and Tami, the series' main characters -- a high school football coach and his guidance counselor wife, are grace in action.
This show thrills, inspires and moves me, nearly every damn time I watch it. When it ends in July, I will be shedding tears...tears because my heart has been so utterly touched by this series.
4/19/11
This is a dance I know
"This is my creed: For man the vast marvel is to be alive. For man as for flower and beast and bird the supreme triumph is to be most vividly, most perfectly alive. Whatever the unborn and the dead may know they cannot know the beauty, the marvel of being alive in the flesh. The dead may look after the afterward. But the magnificent here and now of life in the flesh is ours alone, and ours only for a time. We ought to dance with rapture that we should be alive and in the flesh and part of the living incarnate cosmos."
--D.H. Lawrence
Via Zen Calendar
4/17/11
4/16/11
On the pace and patience of nature...
Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience. Sometimes you don't need the things you "need" to enjoy the simple things, quiet times, friends, family.
--Amish proverb
Via Zen Calendar
4/15/11
Qaddafi uses internationally-banned cluster bombs on his own people. He should be tried for war crimes
Military forces loyal to Col. Muammar el-Qaddafi have reportedly been firing into residential neighborhoods with heavy weapons, including cluster bombs that have been banned by much of the world and ground-to-ground rockets.
4/14/11
Stanley Fish's NYTimes piece on what Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan's first judicial opinion tells us
A Dollar Is a Dollar: Elena Kagan’s Style
By STANLEY FISH
When Elena Kagan was nominated by President Obama to be an associate justice of the Supreme Court, some observers speculated that she might be the long-sought liberal counterweight to Antonin Scalia, noted for his intelligence, his wit and his prose style. Of course it’s too early to tell, but Kagan’s dissent (her first) in Arizona Christian School Tuition Organization v. Winn would seem to give those distressed by the Court’s current direction some hope. (Scalia honed his rhetorical skills as a dissenter earlier in his career.)
The opinion itself is a predictable extension of the conservative majority’s practice of money laundering when it comes to Establishment Clause cases that involve financial aid to sectarian schools. At issue was an Arizona program that provides tax credits up to $500 for contributions to school tuition organizations, organizations that then turn around and give the funds to private schools, “many of which,” Justice Anthony Kennedy (writing for the majority) concedes, “are religious.” That the intention of the program is to funnel funds to religious schools doesn’t seem to be in dispute. In her dissent Kagan notes that “One STO advertises that ‘[w]ith Arizona’s scholarship tax credit, you can send children to our community’s [religious] day schools and it won’t cost you a dime.’”
Read more
Enduring lessons about impermanence
The Dharma, like an oyster
Washed atop a high cliff:
Even waves crashing against
the reefy coast, like words,
may reach but cannot wash it away.
--Dogen
Via Zen Calendar
4/13/11
Being here
Normally, we do not so much look at things as overlook them.
--Alan Watts
via Zen Calendar
4/12/11
Retired Republican Senator Alan Simpson: "We have homophobes on our party. That’s disgusting to me. We’re all human beings. We’re all God’s children."
Retired GOP Senator Alan Simpson tells the truth about his party. Democrats can be homophobic too, but their party's platform doesn't condone homophobia.
Devotion is to pay attention...
Devotional practices are a very important part of spiritual life—it doesn’t mean devotion to the person, it means devotion to the dharma. We’re not talking about students bowing and scraping but about paying attention, being receptive, and opening themselves and sort of trusting enough to make the leap forward. One of the best forms of devotion is to pay attention, to be passionately interested and continuously engaged in the process of learning.
-Lama Surya Das
via Tricycle.com
Syrian human rights activist: "A search for equality, justice, dignity and freedom — not religion — is what compels Syrians to engage in protests today"
April 10, 2011
Prisoner of Damascus
By YASSIN AL-HAJ SALEH, the New York Times
Damascus, Syria
IN all my 50 years, I have never held a passport. Other than visiting Lebanon, I’d never left Syria when, in the fall of 2004, I was barred from leaving the country. I tried many times afterward to get a passport, but to no avail.
I spent 16 years of my youth in my country’s prisons, incarcerated for being a member of a communist pro-democracy group. During the recent protests, many more friends have been detained — most of them young — under the government’s catch-all emergency laws.
The state of emergency, under which Syria has lived for 48 years, has extended the ruling elite’s authority into all spheres of Syrians’ public and private lives, and there is nothing to stop the regime from using this power to abuse the Syrian population. Today, promises follow one after the other that these all-pervasive restrictions will be lifted. But one must ask, will it be possible for the Baath Party to rule Syria without the state of emergency that has for so long sustained it?
The official pretext for the emergency laws is the country’s state of war with Israel. However, restricting Syrians’ freedoms did no good in the 1967 war, which ended with the occupation of the Golan Heights, nor did it help in any other confrontations with the Jewish state, nor in any true emergencies. Because in the government’s eyes everything has been an emergency for the last half-century, nothing is an emergency.
Syria’s struggle against an aggressive Israel has encouraged the militarization of political life — a development that has been particularly favorable to single-party rule. And the suspension of the rule of law has created an environment conducive to the growth of a new ruling elite.
In 2005, the Baath Party decided, without any serious public discussion, to move toward what was dubbed a “social market economy.” It was supposed to combine competition and private initiative with a good measure of traditional socialism. In reality, as the state retreated, new monopolies arose and the quality of goods and services declined. Because local courts are corrupt and lack independence, grievances could not be fairly heard. Add to that a venal and idle bureaucracy, and the supposed economic reforms became a justification for the appropriation of economic power for the benefit of the rich and powerful.
Economic liberalization was in no way linked to political liberalization. After a half-century of “socialist” rule, a new aristocratic class has risen in Syria that does not accept the principles of equality, accountability or the rule of law. It was no accident that protesters in the cities of Dara’a and Latakia went after the property of this feared and hated aristocracy, most notably that of President Bashar al-Assad’s cousin Rami Makhlouf, a businessman who controls the country’s cellphone network and, more than anyone else, represents the intertwining of power and wealth in Syria.
Today’s ruling class has undeservedly accumulated alarming material and political power. Its members are fundamentally disengaged from the everyday realities of the majority of Syrians and no longer hear their muffled voices. In recent years, a culture of contempt for the public has developed among them.
Although some argue that the demonstrations are religiously motivated, there is no indication that Islamists have played a major role in the recent protests, though many began in mosques. Believers praying in mosques are the only “gatherings” the government cannot disperse, and religious texts are the only “opinions” the government cannot suppress. Rather than Islamist slogans, the most prominent chant raised in the Rifai Mosque in Damascus on April 1 was “One, one, one, the Syrian people are one!” Syrians want freedom, and they are fully aware that it cannot be sown in the soil of fear, which Montesquieu deemed the fount of all tyranny. We know this better than anyone else.
A search for equality, justice, dignity and freedom — not religion — is what compels Syrians to engage in protests today. It has spurred many of them to overcome their fear of the government and is putting the regime on the defensive.
The Syrian regime enjoys broader support than did Hosni Mubarak in Egypt or Zine el-Abidine Ben Ali in Tunisia. This is a source of strength, and one that Mr. Assad appears not to consider when he relies on the security forces to quell protests. If the regime is to keep any of its deeply damaged legitimacy, it will have to answer the protesters’ demands and recognize the popular longing for freedom and equality.
Whatever the outcome of the protests, Syria has a difficult road ahead. Between the pains of oppression and the hardships of liberation, I of course prefer the latter. Personally, I want to live nowhere but in Syria, although I am looking forward to acquiring a passport to visit my brothers in Europe, whom I have not seen for 10 years. I also want, finally, to feel safe.
Yassin al-Haj Saleh is a writer and political activist. This essay was translated from the Arabic.
4/11/11
The eternal life...
The eternal life is given to those who live in the present.
--Ludwig Wittgenstein
Via Zen Calendar
4/10/11
Buster Watch: Posey presented with the NL Rookie of the Year Award by past winners
04/10/11 4:27 PM ET
Past winners honor Rookie of the Year Posey
By Rick Eymer / Special to MLB.com
SAN FRANCISCO -- Buster Posey and the San Francisco Giants had something else to celebrate Sunday.
After the unfolding of the championship flag before the home opener and the presentation of the World Series championship rings Saturday, Posey was presented with his BBWAA National League Rookie of the Year Award and his Players' Choice Award as the NL Outstanding Rookie, as voted by the players.
Posey, who was not in the starting lineup, even threw out the ceremonial first pitch.
The pregame ceremony was attended by his wife, Kristin, and his parents along with the five previous Giants Rookies of the Year: Willie Mays (1951), Orlando Cepeda (1958), Willie McCovey (1959), Gary Matthews (1973) and John Montefusco (1975).
"These are a special group of guys," Posey said of his teammates. "They make it fun to come to the ballpark every day. I'm fortunate to play with guys who play the game with so much passion. I want to thank the coaching staff, the scouting staff and the training staff who gives us every opportunity to succeed."
Posey, who edged Atlanta's Jason Heyward for the award, hit .305 with 18 home runs and drove in 67 runs in 108 games to help the Giants win their first World Series title in San Francisco and the first in franchise history since 1954.
"Most importantly I want to thank my wife, Kristin, for her unconditional love and support," Posey said, "and for being there for me after good games and being there after not-so-good games."
Posey then turned to the group of former Rookie of the Year honorees and thanked them for attending the ceremony.
"I'm very humbled to be in your presence," he told them.
Montefusco said he's rooting for Brandon Belt to win the award this season.
"It would mean I get to come back again next year," he said. "I'm out in New Jersey. I love coming back. I hope Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain throw a no-hitter, so I can come back out again."
BBWAA chapter president Jorge Ortiz, of USA Today and formerly of the San Francisco Chronicle, presented Posey with the writers award while Cain, with the rest of the team surrounding Posey, presenting him with the players' award.
"He's getting well-deserved awards," Giants manager Bruce Bochy said. "It's enjoyable to see him get them."
Rick Eymer is a contributor to MLB.com. This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs.
4/9/11
"Doing what needs to be done"...from Japan
I found this young Japanese mayor to be an inspiring example of selflessness and compassion in action. I wish him and his remaining family well.
4/8/11
My dad is walking within hours of back surgery!
Joe Sr. is walking around, just hours after undergoing surgery at Mayo-Phoenix. The surgeon predicts a complete recovery for dad, and my family is grateful and relieved. I believe my dad's high level of fitness and toughness as a former coach, athlete and Marine have helped him surmount this latest challenge. I love him.
4/7/11
Who are the Libyan rebels? A few friends & brothers...
The most prevalent form of unit organization is ad hoc: a few brothers or friends sharing gas money, a few rifles, a rebel flag, and a pickup truck. Occasionally, whole villages or subsections of tribes have joined the rebels as a semi-coherent unit. Yet even then, village headmen or tribal sheiks do not appear to be leading or orchestrating the fighting. In fact, military leadership at the front, inasmuch as it exists, is entirely spontaneous. In late March, for example, the top military brass in Benghazi strongly advised the fighters not to push past Ajdabiya when it was retaken due to coalition airstrikes. The fighters did not obey orders and were quickly routed by Qaddafi's counterattacks.
--Jason Pack, foreignpolicy.com
Buster Watch: Posey swings & hits with style
April 6th, Buster Posey went 3-for-5 with a home run and four RBI Wednesday as the Giants topped the Padres 8-4.
We love our Buster!
4/6/11
Recognizing our buddha nature
We are all buddhas but most of us have forgotten who we are. The spiritual path is about identifying these delusions and seeing the beautiful being beneath. Like they say, enlightenment is just one thought away from this moment.
4/5/11
The discrimination between the action and the person
When patience is combined with the ability to discriminate between the action and the one who does it, forgiveness arises naturally.
Dalai Lama
Hat-tip: Doug Powell
4/4/11
The purpose of life...
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.
--Eleanor Roosevelt
via Mary Kelly
4/3/11
Read about Japanese professional soccer after the tsunami and other events: "Courage under Fire"
From inbedwithmaradona.com
Read Barry Valder's report on how Japanese football has responded to the recent disaster.
It’s Shimizu S-Pulse’s first home game of 2011 and the football crazy fans of Shizuoka City eagerly anticipate their team’s entry onto Nihondaira’s perfectly kept surface. But in the early spring sunshine, something is missing. There are no pounding samba drums, no announcer bellowing over the loud speaker, and the customary roof-lifting roar is eerily absent. Three sides of the stadium sit surreally empty.
After a muted introduction, S-Pulse and Yokohama FC emerge to a warm round of applause which soon fades to silence. Both teams line up in the centre circle, and we stand and bow our heads in sombre remembrance of the tragedy which shattered the north east of the country.
Today’s match is a training ground practice game hastily rearranged to be held at S-Pulse’s home stadium. Entry is free but players from both teams man donation boxes at the ticket gates. Despite the event only being announced three days previously, over 5000 people pack the one opened stand, and the charity boxes are stuffed with notes.
The 2011 J. League season was just one game old when the earthquake and tsunami brought a halt to all major sporting events in the country. The scope of the disaster, which occurred on a Friday morning, was soon apparent and an evening announcement postponed all the weekend’s games. This was soon extended indefinitely.
S-Pulse’s opening home game with Kashima Antlers was set for a sell out but it was Kashima who were one of the teams hardest hit. Their stadium and training facilities received considerable damage and are unusable for the immediate future. It’s a situation common to other north eastern teams, in particular Vegalta Sendai. The team nearest to the epicentre, Sendai’s club house was destroyed and training grounds rendered unusable. Their Yurtec Stadium was also badly damaged.
Other teams are unaffected by physical damage but still have to face up to shortages in power and supplies. This, along with considerable difficulties in transportation and communications, are affecting areas such as Yamagata, home to Montedio Yamagata.
As the emergency operation was in full swing, J. League teams throughout the country began offering the use of facilities to those in need. Sendai have been offered the use of Kashiwa Reysol’s second stadium, and of Vissel Kobe’s training ground.
And the country’s football fans are right behind them. Fund raising games such as S-Pulse’s with Yokohama FC are no one off. It’s a situation mirrored up and down the country with many matches played and many more scheduled. From the Yokohama fixture alone, 2000000 yen was raised. Multiply these efforts over the J. League as a whole, and you have an idea of the scale of endeavours by the nation’s supporters. Before the season is due to resume, S-Pulse have three more charity games lined up, including a high profile fixture in Holland against Ajax.
A major recurring theme since March 11th is the unifying effect of adversity. The sharing of stadiums and training facilities is strengthening relationships and building new ones. Supporters of rival teams are standing shoulder to shoulder raising funds. Players nationwide have been donating their time to community events such as a free S-Pulse football workshop for Shizuoka children which raised over £2500.
When a J. League all star XI took on the Japanese national team on March 27th 50,000 supporters packed Osaka’s Nagai Stadium. It was the first major footballing event since the quake. One huge banner simply read: Football Saves Japan.
And it was with a strong sense of this sentiment that I watched S-Pulse play out an entertaining game with Yokohama FC. The, if only brief, sense of normality is something those around me seemed to be craving. After such a traumatic fortnight, football does save. This sport has given people a channel for their energies, and one which is perfectly suited to the overriding national characteristic of community and common responsibility.
The unimaginable hardships being endured by those in the most badly affected areas are not dampening the ambition and drive to get their teams up and running again. Due to efforts of officials and supporters, their own and of other clubs’, Sendai will be back in action at a training camp as early as April 3rd. For many there is still a long, hard road ahead, but when the season restarts on April 23rd, it will be with a new sense of unity. Rivalries will exist as ever, but beneath the surface, ties between opposing teams and their fans will be deeper than at any time. The J. League will be all the stronger for it.
To read more from Barry, visit www.ukultras.co.uk.
A portrait of a young man as an artist...
I am so bloody lucky...I have the absolute pleasure of watching a young man express himself through his artwork and life, at the tender of 20. Jason (in the second photo below) has really come into his own: winning a scholarship to attend college, working as a gallery assistant to help support himself, setting healthy boundaries with the sometimes encroaching adults in his life, and enjoying the complexity and beauty of being 20 years old.
I can't take credit for much of his motivation and success, for that is something he found inside. But all these years of hanging out together, I did model for him a few things: curiosity about world, kindness and honesty, and showing up with all of life including the good, the bad and the ugly.
I cherish him and this moment.
I can't take credit for much of his motivation and success, for that is something he found inside. But all these years of hanging out together, I did model for him a few things: curiosity about world, kindness and honesty, and showing up with all of life including the good, the bad and the ugly.
I cherish him and this moment.
4/2/11
Paradox
What is reality?
An icicle forming in fire.
--Dogen
Zennies can't get enough of paradox! This one included.
San Francisco's greek god: Buster Posey
Indeed, Buster is our greek god of war (Ares) and I am glad he plays for San Francisco.
Tip-off: Grant
4/1/11
Out of the blue this morning, I received this from the father of Cpl. Andrew Wilfahrt. Andrew was a good man
Read this article about Andrew, emailed to me by his father, Jeff Wilfahrt:
A reflection on war, family and action
March 30, 2011
By Lisa Gray
The headline in The Washington Post March 2, 2011 read: "Lt. Gen. John Kelly, who lost his son to war, says U.S. largely unaware of sacrifice."
No truer words have been spoken. Until recently, I could stand on one side of that statement and hang my head in shame because it's clear he was speaking to me. On February 27, 2011, Corporal Andrew Wilfarht, cousin to my husband, and son to Jeff and Lori Wilfahrt of Rosemount, Minn., was killed in Afghanistan.
This begins a story I did not know needed to be told.
An uncle of mine served in Vietnam. He survived, came home to receive a purple heart for his efforts, and rarely spoke of it. Later, he would enter counseling, conquer alcoholism, and forgo having his own family because he didn't trust himself. He has spent an entire lifetime battling the demons we civilians won't know by becoming a counselor himself. He made several return trips to Vietnam, and later produced a video for returning soldiers called, "Coming Home."
My own cousin was a Marine and later became a part of The Green Berets, a special forces unit of the Army. He served as the medic in his team and the trials he endured go untold. We know he served the Bosnian refugees during their plight. Stories are rumored to be told of babies delivered in fields en route to escape. But he's always come home.
I have friends with relatives in the service; other relatives who've served; and I was shuffled along as a kid to the Memorial Day Parades and patriotic concerts around the 4th of July; and like anyone, can describe in great detail what I was doing when the towers fell.
What I can't explain is why I did nothing after the towers fell.
So enter Andrew Wilfahrt, a young man I met at various family gatherings with the Wilfahrt crew. They are a silly bunch with a bit of a musical streak. Andrew was by far the most gifted; composing and mastering the piano and clarinet and any other instrument he touched. A stand-out memory includes my husband on guitar, mother-in-law on accordion, uncle on guitar, and Andrew on clarinet. It was Christmas and they were "performing," but it was so ridiculous that Andrew honked his clarinet consistently throughout due to laughter. He didn't show off and gamely participated in mediocrity with the rest of the family band while we held our lighters aloft in delight. Later, this same young man's eyes would sparkle as he played with my kids in a way that suggested enjoyment rather than endurance.
When Andrew joined the Army, it was a surprise move made at the age of 29. He'd done many things and gone many places and battled some of his own demons. His mother, Lori Wilfahrt, told Minnesota Public Radio her son was an "interesting, wonderful young man" who joined the service because he was "looking for a purpose." Andrew wanted to be with a "group of people that would be working together toward something."
Still, our thoughts weren't firmly in place as to the enormity of the decision. Besides, Afghanistan and Iraq were like old wallpaper in the guest bathroom. It's there; no one likes it; yet no one really pays attention to it. This is not to say I didn't worry about his safety, but for months he was in Hawaii - bored, sick of it, and thendeployment to Afghanistan. Our ears perked as we rigorously paid attention to the news, but we would soon learn the price to pay for complacency. I wouldn't consider myself a peace activist, yet who admits to being "for war"? But I learned, through a shocking introduction to icasualites.org - which tracks the deaths of all of our fallen soldiers - that I have been living foolishly under the assumption that "they" doesn't really mean "me."
Admiral Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said it best in this email to a reporter from The Washington Post: "I worry that we could wake up one day and the American people will no longer know us, and we won't know them."
Later, in a speech given by Lt. General Kelly, he said, "We are in a life-and-death struggle, but not our whole country. One percent of Americans are touched by this war. Then there is a much smaller club of families who have given all." He spoke of the anger that some combat veterans feel toward the war's opponents. "They hold in disdain those who claim to support them but not the cause that takes their innocence, their limbs and even their lives."
Lt. General Kelly then clarified in an interview that he is opposed to indifference, not dissent. "I just think if you are against the war, you should somehow try to change it," he said. "Fight to bring us home."
And this is where I am left. I can no longer be indifferent after attending Andrew's funeral, which was executed in full-on military style. Andrew would be the first to claim that his life was no more important than another's, but the Army clearly felt differently. There were high ranking military officials in attendance along with Governor Dayton. To look at that small box of Andrew's remains surrounded by grieving family on a crisp winter day where 154 "Patriot Riders" stood at attention with a firm grasp on their flag is to be touched in a way that changes the shape of the heart. The guns fired, Taps played, and sobs echoed throughout Fort Snelling.
I looked SPC Kevin Gill, Andrew's platoon mate, in the eyes as he told me the story of Andrew's last patrol. Andrew was handing out candy to some Afghani children; children he loved as much as any children he's met, and shooed them away. Platoon 3 marched over 100 meters of control wire where three IED's were remotely triggered. SPC Gill walked over one and Andrew another. Only one of the three detonated - Andrew's. I soaked in SPC Gill's pride and pain, and felt his tears while realizing this man is forever changed.
It seems disrespectful to return to life as we know when a bright, colorful, articulate, gentle soul, is gone simply because he wanted to be part of something bigger.
I, too, want to be a part of something bigger. I want to be a part of a country that doesn't let those who are fighting for an idea that we take for granted every single day go unnoticed. I want them to be remembered and respected and I want them to come home. We, I think, have done our time in Afghanistan. We have sacrificed too many to those who clearly can't find their way even with our help. Ten years is long enough and every day the number of families and soldiers who will never be the same increases.
Andrew's platoon members went back to work within 36 hours of his death.
It's time for us to join those who have been trying to no avail. Contact your representatives. Attend a peace rally. Send an e-mail. Start a letter writing campaign. As Jeff, Andrew's father said, "Prayers aren't cutting it. Prayer has been going on since the beginning of time and clearly, it's not enough." Join in being part of the message to our leaders that says it is time bring our soldiers home.
Please don't look away from the next headline. That wall paper is someone's life. The next name you see is also Andrew's; his family's; my family; yours. These are people whose hearts are in complete disrepair, and we owe them nothing less than our willingness to speak out on their behalf. Andrew did it; I am trying. I need more to join me. To not do so is nothing less than shameful.
Lisa Gray is a mother, writer and bookseller n Winona. She writes a blog, RestlessGrayGirl. (www.winona360.org/winona360/blogs/restlessgraygirl)
A reflection on war, family and action
March 30, 2011
By Lisa Gray
The headline in The Washington Post March 2, 2011 read: "Lt. Gen. John Kelly, who lost his son to war, says U.S. largely unaware of sacrifice."
No truer words have been spoken. Until recently, I could stand on one side of that statement and hang my head in shame because it's clear he was speaking to me. On February 27, 2011, Corporal Andrew Wilfarht, cousin to my husband, and son to Jeff and Lori Wilfahrt of Rosemount, Minn., was killed in Afghanistan.
This begins a story I did not know needed to be told.
An uncle of mine served in Vietnam. He survived, came home to receive a purple heart for his efforts, and rarely spoke of it. Later, he would enter counseling, conquer alcoholism, and forgo having his own family because he didn't trust himself. He has spent an entire lifetime battling the demons we civilians won't know by becoming a counselor himself. He made several return trips to Vietnam, and later produced a video for returning soldiers called, "Coming Home."
My own cousin was a Marine and later became a part of The Green Berets, a special forces unit of the Army. He served as the medic in his team and the trials he endured go untold. We know he served the Bosnian refugees during their plight. Stories are rumored to be told of babies delivered in fields en route to escape. But he's always come home.
I have friends with relatives in the service; other relatives who've served; and I was shuffled along as a kid to the Memorial Day Parades and patriotic concerts around the 4th of July; and like anyone, can describe in great detail what I was doing when the towers fell.
What I can't explain is why I did nothing after the towers fell.
So enter Andrew Wilfahrt, a young man I met at various family gatherings with the Wilfahrt crew. They are a silly bunch with a bit of a musical streak. Andrew was by far the most gifted; composing and mastering the piano and clarinet and any other instrument he touched. A stand-out memory includes my husband on guitar, mother-in-law on accordion, uncle on guitar, and Andrew on clarinet. It was Christmas and they were "performing," but it was so ridiculous that Andrew honked his clarinet consistently throughout due to laughter. He didn't show off and gamely participated in mediocrity with the rest of the family band while we held our lighters aloft in delight. Later, this same young man's eyes would sparkle as he played with my kids in a way that suggested enjoyment rather than endurance.
When Andrew joined the Army, it was a surprise move made at the age of 29. He'd done many things and gone many places and battled some of his own demons. His mother, Lori Wilfahrt, told Minnesota Public Radio her son was an "interesting, wonderful young man" who joined the service because he was "looking for a purpose." Andrew wanted to be with a "group of people that would be working together toward something."
Still, our thoughts weren't firmly in place as to the enormity of the decision. Besides, Afghanistan and Iraq were like old wallpaper in the guest bathroom. It's there; no one likes it; yet no one really pays attention to it. This is not to say I didn't worry about his safety, but for months he was in Hawaii - bored, sick of it, and thendeployment to Afghanistan. Our ears perked as we rigorously paid attention to the news, but we would soon learn the price to pay for complacency. I wouldn't consider myself a peace activist, yet who admits to being "for war"? But I learned, through a shocking introduction to icasualites.org - which tracks the deaths of all of our fallen soldiers - that I have been living foolishly under the assumption that "they" doesn't really mean "me."
Admiral Mike Mullen, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said it best in this email to a reporter from The Washington Post: "I worry that we could wake up one day and the American people will no longer know us, and we won't know them."
Later, in a speech given by Lt. General Kelly, he said, "We are in a life-and-death struggle, but not our whole country. One percent of Americans are touched by this war. Then there is a much smaller club of families who have given all." He spoke of the anger that some combat veterans feel toward the war's opponents. "They hold in disdain those who claim to support them but not the cause that takes their innocence, their limbs and even their lives."
Lt. General Kelly then clarified in an interview that he is opposed to indifference, not dissent. "I just think if you are against the war, you should somehow try to change it," he said. "Fight to bring us home."
And this is where I am left. I can no longer be indifferent after attending Andrew's funeral, which was executed in full-on military style. Andrew would be the first to claim that his life was no more important than another's, but the Army clearly felt differently. There were high ranking military officials in attendance along with Governor Dayton. To look at that small box of Andrew's remains surrounded by grieving family on a crisp winter day where 154 "Patriot Riders" stood at attention with a firm grasp on their flag is to be touched in a way that changes the shape of the heart. The guns fired, Taps played, and sobs echoed throughout Fort Snelling.
I looked SPC Kevin Gill, Andrew's platoon mate, in the eyes as he told me the story of Andrew's last patrol. Andrew was handing out candy to some Afghani children; children he loved as much as any children he's met, and shooed them away. Platoon 3 marched over 100 meters of control wire where three IED's were remotely triggered. SPC Gill walked over one and Andrew another. Only one of the three detonated - Andrew's. I soaked in SPC Gill's pride and pain, and felt his tears while realizing this man is forever changed.
It seems disrespectful to return to life as we know when a bright, colorful, articulate, gentle soul, is gone simply because he wanted to be part of something bigger.
I, too, want to be a part of something bigger. I want to be a part of a country that doesn't let those who are fighting for an idea that we take for granted every single day go unnoticed. I want them to be remembered and respected and I want them to come home. We, I think, have done our time in Afghanistan. We have sacrificed too many to those who clearly can't find their way even with our help. Ten years is long enough and every day the number of families and soldiers who will never be the same increases.
Andrew's platoon members went back to work within 36 hours of his death.
It's time for us to join those who have been trying to no avail. Contact your representatives. Attend a peace rally. Send an e-mail. Start a letter writing campaign. As Jeff, Andrew's father said, "Prayers aren't cutting it. Prayer has been going on since the beginning of time and clearly, it's not enough." Join in being part of the message to our leaders that says it is time bring our soldiers home.
Please don't look away from the next headline. That wall paper is someone's life. The next name you see is also Andrew's; his family's; my family; yours. These are people whose hearts are in complete disrepair, and we owe them nothing less than our willingness to speak out on their behalf. Andrew did it; I am trying. I need more to join me. To not do so is nothing less than shameful.
Lisa Gray is a mother, writer and bookseller n Winona. She writes a blog, RestlessGrayGirl. (www.winona360.org/winona360/blogs/restlessgraygirl)
The Buddha's 5 keys to right speech
"It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will."
--The Buddha
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