A few pictures of a young man I am proud of...

Meet Jason and his young (gay) hipster self in Washington, DC, a junior at Corcoran College of Art + Design, touring the town. He was raised by two lesbian moms and me. I've been around since he was 5 and he will be 21 in 11 days. At 6'3" and with lots of artist success, he's living large!

I love this self-portrait by my nephew, an art student in DC

And I love him, too.

My "little brother" launches a gay artist co-operative in DC: Boys Be Good: http://boysbegood.com

This young man means the world to me. I have been proud to be his "big brother" for 16 years

Jase is 20, a sophomore in a DC college, a dean's list student, smart, creative, and capable. Best of all, he is a good (young) man: kind, authentic, strong, compassionate, and doing his absolute best. He went through more than his fair share of difficult and messy struggles as a teenager and came out better the other end. Our friendship has been one of the best things in my life. I am happy that he is so alive and present.

Recognizing our buddha nature

We are all buddhas but most of us have forgotten who we are. The spiritual path is about identifying these delusions and seeing the beautiful being beneath. Like they say, enlightenment is just one thought away from this moment.

A portrait of a young man as an artist...

I am so bloody lucky...I have the absolute pleasure of watching a young man express himself through his artwork and life, at the tender of 20. Jason (in the second photo below) has really come into his own: winning a scholarship to attend college, working as a gallery assistant to help support himself, setting healthy boundaries with the sometimes encroaching adults in his life, and enjoying the complexity and beauty of being 20 years old.

I can't take credit for much of his motivation and success, for that is something he found inside. But all these years of hanging out together, I did model for him a few things: curiosity about world, kindness and honesty, and showing up with all of life including the good, the bad and the ugly.

I cherish him and this moment.

I am so happy for & proud of my "little brother"

Yesterday, I had a long phone call with my "little brother," in the middle of his first semester in college, and am proud of him, as well as so relieved.

You see, three years ago this kid was deeply depressed (dealing with his moms' messy divorce), having problems focusing at school, watching his birth mom explore her gender issues, and spending many nights at home alone. I was so worried about him and did everything I could to ground him and give him the space to express and sort through his difficult feelings. I worried that wasn't enough, and his journey back proved to be a long and challenging climb for both him and me. But we never ever gave up...not for one moment.

All that is paying off now: Jason is getting nearly all A's, working hard at a part-time job three shifts a week, and is enjoying the school and his classmates. Most of all, this kid is engaged, challenged and learning about himself and life. He is dating a couple of people and having fun. I am amazed how easily he is gliding through life, especially given the rockiness of high school years. He is becoming quite a creative and heart-felt young man.

I can even to begin to express here how much love I have for this kid. It gives me goosebumps to type these words. When I got done talking with him yesterday, I want to collapse and cry into ball of joy and relief. I want the very best for him, and feel so blessed to be part of his life. This is what I am grateful for this Thanksgiving!

(The picture above is from late August this year, the day Jason arrived back from working in Spain all summer and four days before he left for college. Of course, he hated the sign and loved the attention all the same.)

Love is in the small gestures

One of my prized possessions is this bookmark that Jason, my mentoree/”Little Brother”, made for me when he was 6-years-old. I am not sure if it was from his summer camp or school or what. But the tiny blocks that spell out J-O-E really touch my heart and say it all. The small things people do for one another make all the difference.

That "feeling": another reason why I want to mentor another child

About a year into being Jason's "big brother", when he was six, we were having lunch at his favorite restaurant, laughing, joking and carrying on with one another. Then without warning, sitting across from me, he placed his tennis shoes on top of mine and acted as if nothing had happened. And left them there for the next half an hour.

While I was surprised by this, in my very guy-way, I did not acknowledge it either. But I knew what it meant: Jase trusted me and wanted to show his heartfelt connection with me. After dropping him off at his moms', I drove home with tears running down my cheeks and a softer heart.

Last night, more than twelve years later, Jason called me from college, just two weeks into his freshman year. While having taken some personal time and space to establish himself at school, he now needed to talk and connect. He rattled off a long monologue about his new life in DC; but as he heard his roommate begin to unlock and about enter their dorm room, he quickly ended the call, by nonchalantly whispering "I love you" into the phone. With wet eyes, I smiled, and felt that same feeling once again.

This is just another reason why I want to mentor another child, this time as a known donor.

Almost time to leave the land of my ancestors

We watched the sun set into the Atlantic tonight, at an obscure beach cafe and with a domesticated duck, named Juanito, at my feet, and a spirited boy trying to reach for it and feed it candy. The duck wisely used my legs for its protection.

Also, Fonso stopped on the way home to show me seven giant Sequoia trees thriving here in Galicia. They were planted by their eccentric owner over 70 years ago, and not surprising are shooting up in height, here in this land of black soil, strong sun and frequent rain. Everything grows wild here, all sorts of plants including ferns, palm and avocado trees. If you leave a lot of land untended and it will be covered up by a variety of plants and trees in three years. Things grow just like that. This is a land of dark forests, mountains, tumultuous seas, and witchcraft so I am not surprised by much that I find. I can see why Jason fell in love with it here during his three month apprenticeship.

Now off to the Darbo for drinking wine, eating chorizo, Celtic dancing, and talking with lots of Fonso's friends. I will be leaving this place, the land of my grandfather, Emilio Rodriguez, with its spirit even more burnt into my heart. My grandfather is even more with me, tonight and beyond.

My "little brother" settles into Washington, DC

Jase called me yesterday to tell me all about his college dorm unit and two roommates. He was happy to report that his roommate's mom, as he said "the prototypical wonderful Jewish mother", had bought every kitchen tool known to man, so Jase can now cook anything he wants to in his dorm apartment unit.

He also felt good about being settled in and starting the orientation process. The weather is hot and muggy which is good for a northern California boy to experience what summer is like in most of America. I am feeling better and more adjusted to him being away for good. Also, I went to college in DC, so it feels like life is coming full circle.

I have poured all of myself into this kid. He seems to be finding his own way, setting boundaries while leading with his heart. If I have taught him anything over these 14 years, it is that love is the answer whatever the question. Through my behavior in addition to my words.

Jason leaves for college today

It really is beginning to settle in that Jason is going away to college. When he was in Spain all summer, I would say to myself that he will be back. But now he is really leaving the nest and will be faraway for most of the year.

Of course I have known this moment would be coming. But now it is here and I feel some sadness around this, missing having meals with him or hanging out by going to movies or plays. We have done these things literally hundreds of times over the course of fourteen years. I will also miss his youthful energy that tends to revitalize my own spirits and keep me young. Yet in the age of Skype, text messages, and cheap phone calls, he is close and in touch. My mind, not my heart, knows that!

Mostly, I am proud of him, for overcoming many, many challenges during his high school years, staying true to his intuition and interests, and keeping his heart and smile open while some young men his age shutdown and are sullen. In the last two years, he faced his demons, set appropriate boundaries with the adults in his life, and leaned into his fears rather than runaway from them. This is the way of a very young spiritual warrior.

I will end this post by saying I am so glad to see him optimistic, happy, and curious about his future. I reminded when he was six and we were having a meal sitting across from each other, he used to put his feet on top of mine but not say a word about it. Wow. It was his way of saying he cared for me. And, today, I send him off with this same feeling in my heart.

Power of the village

My “little brother”, Jason, is fortunate to have so many caring and giving adults in his life. He is preparing to leave for college this week, and one of my most generous friends just took him on a shopping expedition to J. Crew to buy dress-up clothes which will come in handy in preppy Washington, D.C. On Saturday morning, another friend is picking him up at the airport after his red-eye flight, welcoming him to DC and taking him out for breakfast. Yet another DC friend -- who is originally from Columbia -- will have dinner with him on occasion, practicing Spanish with him. And one last friend and his partner will help Jase, using their extensive network of friends and resources, to get along well in the nation’s capitol. So he has a lot of people rooting and looking out for him.

The same thing happened when Jason was applying to college, with over 30 people helping him as he applied to and interviewed with 12 colleges. Later, this summer, Fonso took Jase completely under his wing in Spain, pushing him to work hard and be his best while supporting his emancipation process from home and mom. These small and large acts of kindness make all the difference in the life of an 18-year-old. The emotional support is probably the thing he needs most of all, as he makes the important transition from home and high school to a more independent life as a college student. I am grateful to everyone who has opened his or her heart to Jase.

This is the spirit of generosity I bring to my intention to become a known donor. I am willing to show up and be helpful in whatever way is appropriate and welcome.

Jason arrives home from Spain today

I can't wait to see him and how he has grown emotionally and physically over the last three months. My long-time mentoree has been working for Alfonso, in the kitchen of his restaurant, in Vigo, Spain, which is on the Northwest coast, right above Portugal. He leaves for college in DC on Saturday. It is a big week for him, and me too.

Confronting homophobia in Marin County and benefitting all.

Yesterday afternoon, I met with an administrator from the Marin county school system to talk about my "little brother's" experience with anti-gay harassment in high school. This happened when Jase was a junior in high school, by five or so members of the high school football team. The verbal bullying took place two years ago and lasted about 6 months.

At the time it happened, Jason asked his mom and me to stay out of the situation and let him deal with the boys involved. As difficult as his request was, we agreed to it as long as he was not being physically hurt or strongly emotionally-impacted by it. As I learned by editing one of his college essays, this verbal harassment stopped because he started laughing directly at, instead of fleeing from, these big bullies. (Jase is 6'2" and confident, and no shrinking violet.) Good for him, and we all deal with these situations in different ways.

So yesterday was my chance to talk openly with a school official about the situation since Jason has graduated. I am so happy to say it went well. The administrator was concerned to learn about the situation. Ironically, he told that one of his children had been chronically harassed at (a different) high school so he full of understanding and empathy about Jason's experience. He related that, coincidently, in June, he had a diversity sensitivity organization train the top officials in the schools he supervises. He also said he was going to revisit this situation with the principal of the school to make sure this situation didn't happen again. Lastly, he expressed his apologies and best wishes to Jason.

I feel a better now for having talked with the school district, so other LGBT kids can feel free to be themselves and don't have to face the same thing as Jase did. And this gave me a chance to rectify this wrong at the system level, while still respecting Jason's wishes. This conversation was not just the right thing to do, in some small way, it will benefit all students in the county, for none of us are free until all of us are.

My "little brother"/mentoree, Jason, leaves for college this fall

Jason leaves for college at the end of August and I am now feeling those age-old bittersweet feelings of letting him go whilw being excited for him as enters this new phase of his life. I will miss hanging out with him and doing cool things together...like watching movies, talking about relationships, and teasing each other. I know he is going to do well at art college in DC, and am sure he will live his life there with both intensity and curiosity.

He is in Spain for the summer, working for my boyfriend at his family's restaurant and learning to do all sorts of kitchen jobs: washing dishes, cooking traditional Spanish dishes, baking desserts, and cleaning up after everyone. Most importantly, he is becoming a confident young man who is finding his way in the world, turbocharging his Spanish language skills, dating a cute and sweet boy named Manuel, and being part of Fonso's family in Vigo, Spain. He arrives back from Spain on Tuesday afternoon. I can't wait to see him. And then let him go again...off to Obamaland.

It feels right to be ramping up my outreach efforts to become a known sperm donor just as I am watching Jason leave for college. This mentorship has been the best thing I have ever done in my very full and exciting life. I am grateful, with a deep bow.