Go--not knowing where.
Bring--not knowing what.
The path is long, the way unknown.
--Russian Fairy Tale
6/30/11
The power of 'not knowing'
Go--not knowing where.
Bring--not knowing what.
The path is long, the way unknown.
--Russian Fairy Tale
AMA calls for marriage equality
“With the New York State now the sixth – and largest – state to end the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage, the American Medical Association (AMA) adopted a policy position declaring that excluding same-sex couples from marriage is ‘discriminatory’ and reaffirming existing AMA policy to support relationship recognition of gay and lesbian couples as a means of addressing health disparities faced by those couples and their families.”
--American Medical Association
After New York, how we win in the rest of the country
It is simple, really. We got to do the hard work of advocacy (being "out" in all areas of life, calling out homophobia at every turn, giving time & money to effective LGBT organizations). In every way imaginable, we got to keep pushing ourselves, our families & friends, our communities, our states, our nation and our president FOR FULL EQUALITY!
--Joe
6/29/11
"A President, Not A Governor": Andrew Sullivan's wise words on Obama's approach to LGBT equality
By Andrew Sullivan
"There have been many times over the past two years when I have whacked the Obama administration on their "fierce urgency of whenever" on gay equality. And I regret not a single one. The job of loyal opposition is to push and corral and complain and inveigh and pound the bloggy table a few times to get a point across. But look: it worked. Here's what they have done, and it ain't nothing.
They have removed the ban on openly gay servicemembers. Soooo yesterday, I know. But it is also so tomorrow. The emergence of openly gay soldiers - many of them heroes - will indelibly change the image and self-image of gays in America, in ways that expand the possibilities of being human and being noble. When the first military funeral takes place in which the folded flag is handed to the legal husband of a deceased male servicemember, the folds of the flag will reflect the folds of inclusion. It will be much harder to demonize gays when they are openly defending our country in uniform. The impact on the South in particular could be huge in the long run. Yes, Obama took his own sweet time; yes, it nearly slipped out of our grasp. But so did equality in New York State a few times. What matters is: he got it done.
They ended the HIV travel ban. I have a huge stake in this and the ban was repealed under Bush who admirably signed it into law. But Obama implemented it; and my trip home soon to see my family was made possible by that law. Yes, it was a long, long time coming. But what matters is: he got it done.
They withdrew legal support for DOMA. Again, a critical factor, along with moves in the states, to get the Supreme Court at some point to acknowledge that equal protection means equal protection; and that the logic of banning marriage for two percent of the population evaporates upon close rational inspection. Again, this was in the presidential bound of authority. And Obama did the right thing in the end.
Some now want this president to be Andrew Cuomo, a heroically gifted advocate of marriage equality who used all his skills to make it the law in his state. But the truth is that a governor is integral to this issue in a way a president can never be. Civil marriage has always been a state matter in the US. That tradition goes all the way back; it was how the country managed to have a patchwork of varying laws on miscegenation for a century before Loving vs Virginia. The attack on this legal regime was made by Republicans who violated every conservative principle in the book when they passed DOMA, and seized federal control over the subject by refusing for the first time ever not to recognize possible legal civil marriages in a state like Hawaii or Massachusetts. Defending this tradition is not, as some would have it, a kind of de facto nod to racial segregation; it is a defense of the norm in US history. And by defending that norm, the Obama administration has a much stronger and more coherent case in knocking down DOMA than if it had echoed Clinton in declaring that the feds could dictate a national marriage strategy.
More to the point, until very recently, if we had had to resolve this issue at a federal level, marriage equality would have failed. The genius of federalism is that it allowed us to prove that marriage equality would not lead to catastrophe, that it has in fact coincided with a strengthening of straight marriage, that in many states now, the sky has not fallen. That is why a man like David Frum has changed his mind - for the right conservative reason. Because there is evidence that this is not a big deal and yet unleashes a new universe of equality and dignity and integration for a once-despised minority. Obama's defense of federalism in this instance is not a regressive throw-back; it is a pragmatic strategy.
The president has no actual political authority over this issue. He does have moral authority. But what close observers know about Obama is that he does not think of the presidency the way he thinks of a campaign. He knows he is president of all the people, including those who voted against him and those who conscientiously oppose marriage equality. He does not seek to divide as his predecessor did. By staying ever so slightly above on this issue, Obama is doing the right presidential thing - while presiding over what may well be the most seismic period for gay equality in history. I do not despise his restraint in his office. I wish more presidents exhibited it (and I wish he exhibited it a little more in cases like the Libya war).
One more thing. A civil rights movement does not get its legitimacy from any president. I repeat: he does not legitimize us; we legitimize him. As gays and lesbians, we should stop looking for saviors at the top and start looking for them within. We won this fight alongside our countless straight family members, friends, associates and fellow citizens. As long as Obama has done due diligence in the office he holds - and he has - he is not necessary to have as a Grand Marshall for our parade.
This is not about him. So instead of treating him with anger or disappointment, give him a little touch of his own trademarked mild condescension at the White House reception today.
And wink back.
6/28/11
6/27/11
"Over the last quarter-century the love that dared not speak its name turned into a veritable motor mouth"
"Over the last quarter-century the love that dared not speak its name turned into a veritable motor mouth, to a point where the average American, according to an astonishing Gallup Poll last month, thinks that about 25 percent of the population is homosexual. Hardly. But that perception underscores how visible gay people have become. And familiarity changes everything."
--Frank Bruni, The New York Times
6/26/11
6/24/11
6/23/11
The world: 'moonlight reflected in dewdrops'?
To what shall I liken the world?
Moonlight, reflected in dewdrops,
shaken from a crane's bill.
--Dogen
The fight for marriage equality is down to the last day in NY. We can't rest until we win. Please email these NY state senators again today, even if you are not a New Yorker
fuschill@senate.state.ny.us; gball@nysenate.gov; hannon@nysenate.gov; lanza@senate.state.ny.us; little@nysenate.gov; grisanti@nysenate.gov; saland@nysenate.gov; flanagan@senate.state.ny.us
6/22/11
The power of 'potential'
"Whatever the Universe must contain,
including us, must exist in potential first."
--Deepak Chopra
6/20/11
Andrew Sullivan writes eloquently about one of my favorite movies of the year, "Of Gods and Men"
Here's an excerpt from Andrew's blog post yesterday:
I finally managed to see the Cannes Grand Prix winner, about a small group of monks serving an impoverished local community as Jihadists slowly approach. It is not a spoiler to say it does not end with the physical survival of most (but not all) of the monks. And this farewell letter by the head of the Order, Frere Christian, captures the film's core message:
"Should it ever befall me, and it could happen today, to be a victim of the terrorism swallowing up all foreigners here, I would like my community, my church, my family, to remember that my life was given to God and to this country. That the Unique Master of all life was no stranger to this brutal departure. And that my death is the same as so many other violent ones, consigned to the apathy of oblivion. I've lived enough to know, I am complicit in the evil that, alas, prevails over the world and the evil that will smite me blindly.
I could never desire such a death. I could never feel gladdened that these people I love be accused randomly of my murder. I know the contempt felt for the people here, indiscriminately. And I know how Islam is distorted by a certain Islamism.
This country, and Islam, for me are something different. They're a body and a soul.
My death, of course, will quickly vindicate those who call me naïve or idealistic, but they must know that I will be freed of a burning curiosity and, God willing, will immerse my gaze in the Father's and contemplate with him his children of Islam as he sees them. This thank you which encompasses my entire life includes you, of course, friends of yesterday and today, and you too, friend of last minute, who knew not what you were doing. Yes, to you as well I address this thank you and this farewell which you envisaged. May we meet again, happy thieves in Paradise, if it pleases God the Father of us both. Amen. Insha'Allah."
Here is the link to his full column.
6/19/11
On this Father's Day, I honor my dad
Early in my life, my dad and I had a lot of love and conflict in our relationship. With him being a former Marine and well-known coach, he was not thrilled to have a gay son as his first born. While my mom sometimes used me to protect the family from my father's moodiness and anger back then, I think most of the friction between my dad and me was his disappointment from his growing realization that I wasn't going to turn out like him: a super jock, straight, and married. Now, I can better understand his disappointment, even though I don't agree with it.
In the last 15 years, my dad and I have smoothed out our relationship and we have developed lots of mutual respect for one another. So on this Father's Day, I celebrate my dad and the values about courage, integrity, empathy and freedom that he passed on to me. He's a good man.
6/18/11
Last post of the day: "Always stay in your own movie"
Always stay in your own movie.
--Ken Kesey
My interpretation of this quote, from the author of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest," is that we need to honor our own lives and not harshly or judgmentally compare ourselves to others. To truly appreciate the beauty of the joys and sorrows of our lives, fully and completely. To feel that we are enough...regardless of our circumstances and those of others.
My shifting thoughts on Weiner
I have always liked Congressman Weiner's sense of humor and ability to express himself, but haven't know much about him beyond that. So when this scandal broke, I was sympathetic to him given that he hadn't had sex with anybody but was being asked to resign when Republican Senators Ensign (had an adulterous affair) and Vitter (had hired prostitutes) had not.
However, I did not like that he lied to his constituents and the American public nor did I condone the fact that he was tweeting photos of himself to women who did not ask to have an erotic experience or relationship with him. It was inappropriate and not befitting a congressman, in my opinion. And as learned more about Representative Weiner, I was genuinely disappointed to find out that this brash congressman has virtually no legislative record or accomplishments to speak of: most members of Congress think he is media blowhard rather than a committed lawmaker. Ironically, those who live by the (media) sword, often die by it, especially if they live and represent the media capitol of the world, NYC.
Being human is messy and challenging but I think progressive public officials should hold themselves to high standards regardless of what the Republicans do (or don't). And my sympathy goes out to his newly wed and pregnant wife, Huma Abedin, who has to endure all this at a vulnerable time for her.
Like Eliot Spitzer, Weiner might find the roads back to family and public redemption. It won't be easy, but he just might emerge a deeper and more reflective human being who will use his tremendous communications skills for the greater common good. I am betting he will.
From "the love that dare not speak its name" to the love that is everywhere: "Days of Our Lives" begins its first gay storyline. Middle America can't miss us anymore
Five years after "One Life to Live" debuted their gay couple, "Days of Our Lives" tries to stay socially relevant with a gay story line. Brava!
The more TV and other forms of media tell our story, the better. Even if you live deep in Kansas, you can't escape the near constant conversation about gay people. We are winning this war for societal awareness and acceptance, big time!
The most unusual photo of the week
Human nature is always surprising me: in the middle of the riots after Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup championship, this couple gets the inspiration to get it on. Here's the back story.
6/17/11
The fine line in being a LGBT activist...doing what's right but not hating your opponents
In heated moments -- like one we are having now on the marriage equality bill in New York state, I have to keep reminding myself to be strong, with love in my heart, and clearly say no to the forces of fear and ignorance without hating them. As the Buddha taught, "Hatred never ceases through hatred..."
I need to keep seeing their humanity even though they don't see mine. Being a spiritual warrior and social activist isn't the easiest path. But it is the one for me.
Roy McDonald, a GOP NY state senator with balls enough to take a stand for marriage equality
Senator Roy McDonald:
“You get to the point where you evolve in your life where everything isn't black and white, good and bad, and you try to do the right thing,” McDonald, 64, told reporters.
“You might not like that. You might be very cynical about that. Well, fuck it, I don't care what you think. I'm trying to do the right thing.
“I'm tired of Republican-Democrat politics. They can take the job and shove it. I come from a blue-collar background. I'm trying to do the right thing, and that's where I'm going with this.”
6/16/11
NY Senate majority leader Dean Skelos keeps the marriage equality bill from being voted on. Demand that he allows a vote now!
Contact Dean Skelos today and ask him to have vote taken on marriage equality:
Phone: (518) 455-3171
Email: skelos@nysenate.gov
Twitter: @SenatorSkelos
Phone: (518) 455-3171
Email: skelos@nysenate.gov
Twitter: @SenatorSkelos
Other things you can do: send one email to these undecided GOP New York state senators. We need 1 more vote to enact to enact marriage equality in the 3rd most populist state
fuschill@senate.state.ny.us; gball@nysenate.gov; hannon@nysenate.gov; lanza@senate.state.ny.us; little@nysenate.gov; grisanti@nysenate.gov; saland@nysenate.gov; flanagan@senate.state.ny.us
Remembering Galicia, Spain
This photo was taken nearly 3 years ago, where my grandfather was born. Jason is pictured with my Spanish uncle.
6/15/11
We all are New Yorkers this week: contact these state legislators to help pass marriage equality in NY
Senator Gregory R. Ball of Putnam County (845) 279-3773
gball@nysenate.gov
Senator Charles J. Fuschillo Jr. of Suffolk County (516) 882-0630
fuschill@senate.state.ny.us
Senator J. Kemp Hannon of Nassau County (516) 739-1700
hannon@nysenate.gov
Senator Andrew J. Lanza of Staten Island (718) 984-4073
lanza@senate.state.ny.us
Senator Betty Little of Glens Falls (518) 743-0968
little@nysenate.gov
Senator Mark Grisanti of Erie County (518) 455-3240
grisanti@nysenate.gov
Senator Stephen M. Saland of Poughkeepsie (845) 463-0840
saland@nysenate.gov
Senator John Flanagan of Long Island (518) 455-2071
flanagan@senate.state.ny.us
What would Jesus do? This priest says embrace LGBT
Father John, as his parishioners call him, says he is trying to live the words of Jesus Christ, as he has seen them lived out.
Unni was 16 when his father died. The St Theresa Parish community in his hometown of North Reading responded with meals delivered to the family’s door, with rides to practices and rehearsals and whatever help they could offer a broken family. “People lived out the Gospels,’’ Unni, 49, said in an interview yesterday evening. “That’s when I learned what church was.’’
Father John is truly a man of God. Read about him here.
We are everywhere...including in the GOP. And we are tired of being treated like second class citizens...
From the Daily Dish:
Same-sex marriage foe Rep. Allen West (R-FL) has fired the intern who re-tweeted a message responding to Tracy Morgan’s homophobic rant sent out by the openly-gay band the Scissor Sisters. “Dear Tracy Morgan’s son: if you are gay, you can TOTALLY come live with me. We’ll read James Baldwin & watch Paris is Burning. xxANA,” the group wrote. Moments after West’s intern forwarded the message, the congressman’s staff deleted the tweet and apologized for the “unauthorized” use of the account.
6/14/11
Notes from a cast member of Glee who is straight ally for LGBT equality
Dianna Agron, who plays the beautiful but insecure beauty queen Quinn, writes:
...we’ve gotten letters from people who explain that they love the show but hate the gay story-lines. That we shouldn’t be polluting their children’s heads. To this I’d sometimes like to sarcastically reply, would you also like us to tell them that a stork is dropping off our offspring? That the sky is purple? That it is not practical to be true to yourself, because there are mean people in this world that will make them feel wrong for being honest? That instead of embracing themselves, they should lie to the world? THEY should be the ones being untrue and unhappy?
I believe that if you are bringing a child into the world, you should be willing to accept them in any reality. Whether they are Black, White, Asian, have four fingers, are disabled, gay….that the only wish should be for a happy and healthy baby. We are each other’s children. Unless someone has committed a violent or hateful act, why should we judge? We can so quickly resort to anger, often, the product of a whole other issue. Most often, an issue with our own self.
Read her whole post. Like I have said many times, this TV show is changing attitudes in America millions of people at a time. It is good to have straight allies like Dianna
In men's meditation group last night, we decided a better name for 'self-love' is 'self-acceptance'...
I spoke about my experience in treating myself with lots of compassion and forgiveness but at the same time holding myself accountable for my behavior and realizing my goals. From a Buddhist perspective, it is helpful for me to remember that I have basic goodness, or 'Buddha nature', that I often forget during moments of fear and delusion. Nurturing acceptance of my self is like taking care of a seven-year-old nephew for a weekend, being encouraging and kind but also setting some strong, healthy boundaries, too.
--Joe
6/13/11
The experience of spirituality depicted in two recent (and wonderful) films: Tree of Life & Of Gods and Men
[B]oth “Of Gods and Men” and “Tree of Life” turn our gaze to small things of great and overlooked beauty: in one film, the waving grass, a reaching tree, a squalling baby; in the other, a monk tending a sick child; another monk pouring wine for his brothers; the communal singing of the psalms. ... “Of Gods and Men” may require some in-depth knowledge of Christianity—the notion of sacrifice, of contemplative prayer and the monastic life itself. (It may be hard to understand why the monks stay if you know nothing about the vow of obedience.) “Tree of Life,” on the other hand, can be seen by anyone who wonders about God.
--James Martin, S.J
Enjoying the moments, not counting the months
The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough.
--Rbaindranath Tagore
Via Daily Dish
6/12/11
Searching for meaning...the vital path for humans
Towards the end of his life, Jung reflected that many - perhaps most - of the people who came to see him were not, fundamentally, mentally ill. They were, rather, searching for meaning. It is a hard task. "There is no birth of consciousness without pain," he wrote. But it is vital. Without it, human beings lose their way.
--Mark Vernon
Via The Daily Dish
6/11/11
Two people I love...
On the left is Fonso, a dear friend of mine from Spain, and on the right is Jason, my "little brother"/mentoree for the last 16 years. Two years ago I sent Jase to Spain to work with Fonso at his restaurant for the summer. And the rest is history: these two had too much fun.
A great commercial from HRC for marriage equality
I have not been a big supporter of HRC in recent years, but they have learned some lessons from our defeat on Prop. 8 and have created an effective and upbeat campaign for marriage equality in New York state, featuring LGBT people, parents, athletes and others talking about the importance of love and equality. My hat is off to them!
Saw "Tree of Life" last night. More like a dream and a prayer than a traditional story, it parallels many of my family and spiritual experiences. Bravo, Malick!
Terrence Malick is a master film-maker, having directed "The Thin Red Line" and "Days of Heaven"
6/10/11
No distinction between past, present and future
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
--Albert Einstein
Via Zen Calender
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