1/31/11

Zen precept #11: "No intoxicants" -- refraining from intoxicants that poison our minds and separate us


Zen precept #11: No intoxicants.
Alcohol and other intoxicants have never had much appeal for me given my temperament and family background. But political intoxicants -- including inflammatory cable TV shows like CNN's old Crossfire show -- have gotten me "drunk" with rage, self-righteousness, and sometimes hate.

At times, my anger at Bush's actions in Iraq or Hillary Clinton's campaign tactics during the primary has blinded and separated me from my fellow man. This is one reason I don't watch shows like the McLaughlin Group, Keith Olbermann (especially his "worst person in the world" countdowns) and alike. They poison my mind against others.

1/30/11

Zen precept #10: "Not lying" -- being mindful of our selfishness so we might speak the truth


Zen precept #10: Not Lying.
Zen master Reb Anderson talks a lot about how self-concern and anxiety arise naturally as part of the human condition, and the awareness that is needed when these conditions are present to guard against false speech. In reviewing my own history of lying, I see how my self-absorption and insecurity have been root causes.

Once again, I smile to see that this is yet another precept directing me to get over my narcissism and welcome in my heartfelt concern for all beings.

1/29/11

Zen precept #9: "Not misusing sexuality" -- finding compassion in the passion


Zen precept #9: Not misusing sexuality.
When I first heard this precept it sounded puritanical and restrictive to me, and, being a former Catholic, that's not a place that I wanted to go. Having investigated this precept ore , one of my favorite Zen teachers, Darlene Cohen, who passed away recently, talked about how sexuality is a chance to wake up (not escape) to our bodies, our partners, and, most importantly, to the compassion for ourselves and others.

She encouraged me to notice my energy during sex and see if it coming from a loving place versus a needy one. Just to notice and observe. Maybe my favorite bit wisdom of hers was about when you have doubts whether to have sex with someone, Darlene would say, "Compassion should always trump passion." This precept encourages me to bring those two together.

1/28/11

Zen precept #8: "Not stealing" -- just another way of remembering that there is no "you" and "me"


Zen precept #8: Not Stealing.
The negative effects of stealing are clear enough, but why I have done it in small ways? In reflecting at my own behavior, there is part of me that feels insecure, needy and not enough. I also think that stealing belies this idea that I am separate from my fellow man, and there something out there to "get", something that will fill me up. Well, that will never happen...being filled up by things.

As a kid, I remember stealing one thing: I was about 6 years old and stole a playmate's Matchbox car and felt guilty about for years. It never fulfilled me in the way I expected it to, and the negative karma that created wasn't worth it. I never played with that toy...it felt toxic.

All of this is a good reminder to take only what is freely given. This is a better way to live.

1/27/11

Zen precept #7: "Not killing" -- the honoring of all life


Zen Precept #7: Not killing.
Of course, we should not kill other beings, that is clear. For me, the real spirit of this precept is the encouragement to be more aware of all forms of life, to celebrate them, and cultivate compassion and a sense of oneness with them. With no separation between them and me -- seeing that we are made of the same physical elements (carbon, oxygen, etc...) as well as sharing the earth, sky and seas.

Maybe more applicable to my life, I don't want to kill other people's spirits by belittling or discouraging them. This is a terrible form of violence that is especially common in schools, businesses,and families. For example, I deeply regret some of the unkind things I said to my brother when we were kids and I was unhappy. It hurt him. I, also, regret mean things I have said in my romantic relationships, too. For all these unskillful actions, I apologize from my heart.

1/26/11

Zen precept #6: "Embrace and sustain all beings" -- working for the benefit of all


Zen precept #6: Embrace and sustain all beings.
This is the last of the Three Pure Precepts which are intended to purify my mind of duality. It is about the renunciation of the intention to benefit only myself. Roshi Anderson describes this as "transcending our dualistic karmic consciousness" and "putting the welfare of all beings before myself."

My take is on this precept to be aware of and let go of my selfish ways, especially as I walk this spiritual path, and not split my consciousness by only thinking of myself. To bring everyone along in my mind, with generosity, compassion and uprightness.

1/25/11

Zen precept #5: "Practice all that is good" -- being more skillful so we lessen suffering in our world


Zen precept #5: Practice all that is good.
Zen Priest Reb Anderson explains this precept by saying, "wholeheartedly live life based on freedom from the illusion of an independent self or in another words, to awaken fully to the interdependent self and to express such a self."

Anderson explains that "good" can also be translated as "skillful" which is even more meaningful to me when I think about my missteps and hurtful behavior. In these instances, I am usually focused on my own needs only, not thinking how my behavior will impact those I love and cause more suffering in the world. This precept is good to remember, for example, the next time I am impatient with the cautious driver or use inflammatory language about Tea Party politician on this blog.

"Against all odds, a beautiful life" -- a must-read story from the NYTimes


This is a story of grace.

By PETER APPLEBOME
Published: January 23, 2011
New York Times

MONTCLAIR, N.J.
Some things we know for sure — a little boy dealt a seemingly impossible hand, the two gay men who decided to give him a home and a life, the unlikely spell cast by the only horse in Montclair.

Beyond that, well, it was what you could never quite know as much as what you could that drew 500 people, friends and strangers, to St. Luke’s Episcopal Church on Saturday to ponder the lesson in grace and resilience, the parable of good lives and deeds outside the prescribed lines, in the remarkably long and way-too-short life of Maurice Mannion-Vanover, dead at the age of 20 on Jan. 14.

Few people begin life with so many strikes against them as Maurice had when he was born with AIDS on Sept. 11, 1990, to a crack-addicted mother in a hospital in Washington. There were physical and developmental issues severe enough that his twin sister, Michelle Reed, lived only 20 months. Deserted by his parents, he got his first break in 1993 when two men, intent on caring for a baby with serious physical needs, agreed to take him in.

The two, who came to be known as the Tims, Tim Mannion and Tim Vanover, were told he would probably live six months. But, to everyone’s amazement, he began to thrive. He gained weight. His T-cell count steadily increased. In 1996, they adopted him, becoming the first gay couple in Washington to adopt a child. A year later, they adopted a second son, Kindoo, eight years older. When Tim Vanover got a new job in New York, they moved to Montclair in 1998.

Eventually, the family of two white gay men and two black children became two men, two children and one horse, Rocky, short for Rockefeller. The Tims bought Rocky, a 4-year-old cross between a Morgan and a quarter horse, for $3,500 in 2002 and gave him to Maurice on Christmas Eve.

Montclair, a densely populated suburb, isn’t exactly horse country, but they had a double lot with an old carriage house near downtown. And Maurice had fallen in love with horses, almost transformed by their presence. Atop a horse, seemingly glued to the saddle, the slender child seemed to blossom, his back straighter, his eyes brighter, as if on top not of a horse, but of the world.

To say this was a blessing for Maurice is an understatement. But it wasn’t just for Maurice. Before long, everyone in Montclair, certainly every kid, knew about the house with the horse and the incredibly lucky kid who owned him. And before long, the intersection of Union and Harrison was a mecca for children and a magnet for passers-by, invariably greeted with a wave from Maurice and often a greeting from Rocky, who trotted up to view neighbors each day on their way to work.

It’s not as if everything went smoothly. Far from it. Maurice’s health could be precarious, like the heart condition that almost killed him in 1998.

Rocky sometimes got free, galloping down busy Harrison Avenue, where the New Jersey Transit buses go, then eating some of the neighbors’ flowers. And the Tims — stout, outgoing Tim Vanover and thin, more reserved Tim Mannion — broke up, but only as a couple, not as Maurice’s fathers, choosing to live together and continue to raise him.

None of that affected Maurice, who became a fixture in his neighborhood and church, a Buddha smile always on his face, the iPod — full of Ella Fitzgerald, Edith Piaf, “The Lion King” — seemingly permanently attached. He graduated from a special-education high school, traveled to Central America, Europe and Africa with his fathers, volunteered at the church food ministry. On Dec. 12, he became a black belt in tae kwon do. He wanted to live on his own and become an elementary school teacher’s aide.

And then on a trip to Toronto in January with Mr. Vanover, he got sick. Then he got sicker. There was pneumonia, sepsis, acute renal failure. “It’s time,” he said several times, seemingly in his normal, slightly Delphic voice. No one knew quite what he meant, but it didn’t occur to anyone it meant that this was all the time he had. But it was.

Making sense of it all goes far beyond the known facts of Maurice, the Tims and Rocky the Horse: the way his beloved dog, Hunter, keeled over and died a few hours after Maurice passed on; the way Rocky took Mr. Vanover’s head with his own and drew it close to him, as if sharing grief in a hug. Before the funeral service, Rocky, the Tims and Kindoo walked to the church in front of the hearse. Maurice’s priest and friend, the Rev. John A. Mennell, recalled his incandescent smile, his cut-to-the-chase greetings, his unerring instinct for doing the right thing, if not always the proper one.

He recalled the day Maurice was helping with the collection plate.

“You can do better,” Maurice said amiably to one congregant. It was the story of his life. You can do better, he said, and without quite knowing it, everyone did.

1/24/11

Zen precept #4: "Refrain from all evil" -- choosing life


Zen precept #4: Refrain from all evil.
This precept has been defined by some as the "abandoning inappropriate actions of body, speech, and mind." But what are "inappropriate" actions in a Buddhist context?

For me, my evil behavior is clearly driven by some version of fear, which can be defined as those moments when I feel separate from the rest of creation, scared in a fundamental way. I notice that I commit evil when I forget my interdependence with all beings and things...especially in those dark moments of neediness, grasping and seeking ground.

Fortunately, as a young man in Los Angeles I began to understand that there are only two choices in every moment, either love or fear. This precept is about encouraging me to choose love and realize the teaching of interdependence.

1/23/11

Zen precept #3: "I take refuge in the Sangha" -- the power of a little spiritual support from friends


Zen precept #3: I take refuge in the Sangha.
Sangha is translated as "harmony" from the language of Buddha's time, Pali. On one level it is "the community of those who practice the truth realized by the Buddha." On another level, it is the "release from bondage to the world of birth and death." Reb Anderson talks about the sangha as the connection with other beings who encourage, challenge, energize and make us vulnerable. With a little help from our spiritual friends, we return to our true nature, freeing us to be ourselves.

--Quotations from "Being Upright" by Reb Anderson

1/22/11

Zen precept #2: "I take refuge in the Dharma" -- the teaching of interdependence between all beings


Zen precept #2: I take refuge in the Dharma
When I take refuge in the dharma, I begin to understand a central buddhist concept: the teaching of interdependence, which says we are all connected with no separation between us despite our physical appearances and other differences. We create this world together and all suffer. There is no escaping this truth.

Twenty years ago, I heard the phrase "heal the separation" during A Course in Miracles lecture and had no idea what was meant. Now, with a lot more life experience, I have a deeper understanding of this precept. Joe

1/21/11

Brave gay GOPer Fred Karger tries to bring his party back to its civil rights roots


I support Fred in trying to change the GOP but I don't believe he is going to be successful due to the power and control of the Christian conservatives. Be here's to hope!

In preparation for my Buddhist precepts ceremony, let's review Zen Precept #1: "Taking refuge in the Buddha" -- being your true self


After studying for several years, I will soon be making my commitment to doing my best in upholding the 16 Zen Buddhist precepts, in a formal ceremony called Jukai. Studying with a Zen Buddhist priest (in my case, a wonderful woman named Fu) and sewing by hand a special vestment are just two of the ways that I have been preparing for this ceremony. I have lot more to say about this journey but need to get to work soon so I will be sharing bits of it over the next 16 days, leading to leaving for my precepts ceremony.

By the way, since there are 16 Zen Buddhist precepts, I will be reviewing them one by one, as a final review and an act of preparation for this event.

Zen precept #1: I take refuge in the Buddha.
My understanding of this precept is that you are taking refuge in yourself, your clear, un-deluded self or Buddha nature. Unlike Catholicism where they believe that everyone is born with original sin, those following the Buddhist way believe that we all are born with inherent basic goodness and over time create delusions or misunderstandings that obscure our true nature with ourselves. As Reb Anderson says about this precept, "In essence, to take refuge in the buddha is give up all alternatives to being buddha, to being yourself. When you see and accept that you have no alternatives, you naturally and spontaneously go forward on the path of the buddha. When you are willing to throw yourself completely into everyday life, moment by moment, you are taking refuge in the buddha, dharma, and sangha."

I really like this idea of "being yourself" in all areas of life, and it is the approach I take with my business clients and words we use on our business website.

1/15/11

Read this David Brooks' column: pure magic


"Tree of Failure"

By DAVID BROOKS

President Obama gave a wonderful speech in Tucson on Wednesday night. He didn’t try to explain the rampage that occurred there. Instead, he used the occasion as a national Sabbath — as a chance to step out of the torrent of events and reflect. He did it with an uplifting spirit. He not only expressed the country’s sense of loss but also celebrated the lives of the victims and the possibility for renewal.

Of course, even a great speech won’t usher in a period of civility. Speeches about civility will be taken to heart most by those people whose good character renders them unnecessary. Meanwhile, those who are inclined to intellectual thuggery and partisan one-sidedness will temporarily resolve to do better but then slip back to old habits the next time their pride feels threatened.

Civility is a tree with deep roots, and without the roots, it can’t last. So what are those roots? They are failure, sin, weakness and ignorance.

Every sensible person involved in politics and public life knows that their work is laced with failure. Every column, every speech, every piece of legislation and every executive decision has its own humiliating shortcomings. There are always arguments you should have made better, implications you should have anticipated, other points of view you should have taken on board.

Moreover, even if you are at your best, your efforts will still be laced with failure. The truth is fragmentary and it’s impossible to capture all of it. There are competing goods that can never be fully reconciled. The world is more complicated than any human intelligence can comprehend.

But every sensible person in public life also feels redeemed by others. You may write a mediocre column or make a mediocre speech or propose a mediocre piece of legislation, but others argue with you, correct you and introduce elements you never thought of. Each of these efforts may also be flawed, but together, if the system is working well, they move things gradually forward.

Each individual step may be imbalanced, but in succession they make the social organism better.

As a result, every sensible person feels a sense of gratitude for this process. We all get to live lives better than we deserve because our individual shortcomings are transmuted into communal improvement. We find meaning — and can only find meaning — in the role we play in that larger social enterprise.

So this is where civility comes from — from a sense of personal modesty and from the ensuing gratitude for the political process. Civility is the natural state for people who know how limited their own individual powers are and know, too, that they need the conversation. They are useless without the conversation.

The problem is that over the past 40 years or so we have gone from a culture that reminds people of their own limitations to a culture that encourages people to think highly of themselves. The nation’s founders had a modest but realistic opinion of themselves and of the voters. They erected all sorts of institutional and social restraints to protect Americans from themselves. They admired George Washington because of the way he kept himself in check.

But over the past few decades, people have lost a sense of their own sinfulness. Children are raised amid a chorus of applause. Politics has become less about institutional restraint and more about giving voters whatever they want at that second. Joe DiMaggio didn’t ostentatiously admire his own home runs, but now athletes routinely celebrate themselves as part of the self-branding process.

So, of course, you get narcissists who believe they or members of their party possess direct access to the truth. Of course you get people who prefer monologue to dialogue. Of course you get people who detest politics because it frustrates their ability to get 100 percent of what they want. Of course you get people who gravitate toward the like-minded and loathe their political opponents. They feel no need for balance and correction.

Beneath all the other things that have contributed to polarization and the loss of civility, the most important is this: The roots of modesty have been carved away.

President Obama’s speech in Tucson was a good step, but there will have to be a bipartisan project like comprehensive tax reform to get people conversing again. Most of all, there will have to be a return to modesty.

In a famous passage, Reinhold Niebuhr put it best: “Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore, we must be saved by hope. ... Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore, we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore, we must be saved by the final form of love, which is forgiveness.”

1/14/11

Words of wisdom from the President

We recognize our own mortality, and we are reminded that in the fleeting time we have on this Earth, what matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame -– but rather, how well we have loved and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better.

--President Obama, speaking at the memorial service earlier this week, in Tuscon

1/11/11

Dignity: Daniel Hernandez, Jr. The brave intern

Two gay heroes thwart assassinations -- what a difference 35 years make


LA Times Editorial
January 10, 2011

A 20-year-old congressional college intern with only five days on the job saved Gabrielle Giffords’ life.

Daniel Hernandez ran toward the sound of gunshots. He pressed Safeway workers’ aprons against the congresswoman’s head wound to stanch the bleeding, and lifted her and held her upright so she wouldn’t drown in her own blood. Photos show him evidently covering her hands with his as he walked alongside her as she was carried off on a stretcher.

Daniel Hernandez is gay, a member of Tucson’s city commission on gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues. I bring this up not only because gay websites are talking it up, but because it reminds me of another gay man who thwarted an assassination attempt -- but in a very different time and cultural climate.

Oliver Sipple was in a crowd outside the St. Francis Hotel in San Francisco more than 35 years ago, on Sept. 22, 1975, as President Gerald Ford was leaving the hotel.

Seventeen days earlier, onetime Manson family member Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme had pointed a gun at Ford in Sacramento, but a Secret Service agent had grabbed her.

Outside the San Francisco hotel, a woman named Sara Jane Moore was standing next to Sipple. She raised a .38-caliber pistol and aimed it at the president. She evidently got off one shot at Ford, and missed, before Sipple, a former Marine, grabbed her arm and took her down.

The news coverage that ensued changed Sipple’s life, not for the better, and ultimately had a hand in making Americans confront their stereotypes about being "gay."

Sipple was known to San Francisco’s gay community, where he had taken part in some events, but he was not "out" to his family or to the larger world. News reports, including some in this paper, discussed his sexuality -- perhaps disclosed, some speculated, with a nudge from gay activist and future San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk (who would himself be assassinated in 1978).

Milk also opined that Sipple’s sexuality got him only a letter of thanks from Ford, rather than an invitation to the White House. The Times quoted Milk in 1989 about Sipple’s actions: "For once, we can show that gays do heroic things, not just all that ca-ca about molesting children and hanging out in bathrooms."

Sipple sued the San Francisco Chronicle’s Herb Caen and several newspapers for invasion of privacy, but his case was dismissed. By taking the action he did, the courts found, Sipple, and thus his sexual orientation, had become news.

Sipple’s mother never spoke to him again, and Sipple died in 1989.

Daniel Hernandez wasn’t even born when Oliver Sipple died. His heroism, too, is incontestable -- and this time, his sexuality is apparently uncontroversial, which may be one of the few hopeful things to come out of these murders and attempted murders. At least we won’t add character assassination to the actual ones.

Welcoming the body

Ironically, the more we focus on the body, the more alienated from it we become. Increasingly, we resemble Mr. Duffy, the protagonist of James Joyce’s short story “A Painful Case”: “He lived at a little distance from his body . . .”

From a Buddhist perspective, however, the body is not the problem. Rather, it is our thoughts about it that undermine our sense of well-being. What is required is a shift in perspective that allows us to understand the nature of craving and to welcome the body, whatever state it is in. When we can relate to the body and our appetites with compassion and acceptance, we will no longer have to live at such a distance from ourselves.


--Sandra Weinberg, "Eating and the Wheel of Life"

Via Tricycle.com

1/10/11

The need to dial back the extreme political rhetoric

"There is a need for some reflection here - what is too far now?” said the senator. “What was too far when Oklahoma City happened is accepted now. There’s been a desensitizing. These town halls and cable TV and talk radio, everybody’s trying to outdo each other.”

--A senior Republican senator, speaking anonymously in order to freely discuss the tragedy, told POLITICO that the Giffords shooting should be taken as a “cautionary tale” by Republicans.

Via Daily Dish

Setting Limits


While Buddhist literature doesn’t use the word boundaries, it addresses this issue. For example, Buddhism praises the value of generosity but warns that you shouldn’t give something away if you’re likely to be upset later and regret giving it away. Similarly, although it’s good to help others, we shouldn’t agree to do something for another person if it will likely lead us to feel exhausted, resentful, and angry at the other person. Each of us has to judge our own capacities and set our boundaries accordingly.

--Lorne Ladner, “Taking a Stand” (Fall 2009)

Via Tricycle.com

1/5/11

Elections do have their consequences: GOP gains in Congress will hurt LGBT rights


Source: HRC

Quieting the mind now


To understand the immeasurable, the mind must be extraordinary quiet, still; but if I think I am going achieve stillness at some future date, I have destroyed the possibility of stillness. It is now or never.

--Krishnamurti


Via Zen Calendar

1/3/11

When Love Meets Fear

It is appropriate to be angry and resentful, but ultimately then to forgive and see that it all fit with what needed to happen. Nietzsche says: "It took such pain and evil for the great emancipation to occur."

--David Richo, "When Love Meets Fear"

Starting 2011 with Hope (Cottage)

I was fortunate to start the year by spending three days at Hope Cottage, a 35-minute hike above Muir Beach. This remote cabin has a wood-burning stove, 240 degree views of the ocean and hills, and no TV or technology. Quiet and romantic this weekend, with intermittent rain and sun. (Hope Cottage is available to rent through Green Gulch Farm, part of the San Francisco Zen Center)