5/28/10

On enlightment

The moon is the same old moon,
The flowers, exactly as they were,
Yet I have become the thingness
Of all the things I see!


--Bunan

5/27/10

How washing your hands can foster mindfulness...or anything done with awareness

How many times have you heard the expression - maybe you've used it yourself: I'm going to wash my hands of something. Could there be more to the metaphor than meets the eye? Could washing your hands have some tangible effect on your thoughts? A study out recently in the journal Science suggests that the answer is yes, that hand washing can actually change your thinking. The author of the study, Mr. Lee, suggest that the concrete act of washing might provide a basis for the more complex, abstract concepts of morality and purity. For more

--dailygood.org

5/25/10

5/23/10

Obama administration needs to get tough on BP

Skillful communication versus responding with anger

"Communicating, Not Fighting" from Tricyle.com

When we are angry it may be important for us to communicate what we feel. But how we do this is critical. Simply blasting other people with our anger is not skillful or kind. We may think, “Well, they’re so thick-headed, I need to yell in order to get through to them.” But it’s difficult for people to take in what another is saying if they are being yelled at, because their defenses are instantly mobilized. They’re just as distracted by the reactionary thoughts going through their heads as we are by the force of our anger.

If we allow ourselves to calm down before addressing the situation, we can let go of our own defensiveness and anger. As we all have experienced, it is not possible to think objectively when we are in the throes of strong emotion. We need space to think clearly, to see what is really bothering us, and then to decide what it is that we actually want—and need—to communicate.


- Lama Palden, "Practicing with the Five Hindrances" (Spring 2004)

Watch: Intolerance is served on "What would you do?"

Taking the "I" out of committed partnerships

Taking the “I” Out of Marriage
By Katie Goldsmith | February 9, 2010 | Greater Good

We all know there's no "I" in team. But a new study suggests having too much "I" in a marriage might be a problem as well.

The study, published recently in Psychology and Aging by a team of UC Berkeley researchers, looked at more than 150 middle-aged and older married couples; the middle-aged couples had been married for at least 15 years, the older couples for at least 30. The couples, who varied in the level of happiness they reported with their marriage, engaged in a 15-minute conversation about a conflict they'd had. During this discussion, the researchers monitored each spouse's physiological signals, such as their heartbeat, as well as emotional signs like their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language.

They also recorded how frequently the spouses used words like "we," "our," and "us"—words that previous research has linked to feelings of interdependence, shared responsibility, and partnership. They also looked for "separateness" words like "I," "me" and "you," which signify dividedness and a focus on oneself.
The results showed that couples who used "we"-words had interactions with high levels of positive emotional behavior, low levels of negative emotional behavior, and low levels of physiological stress. Interestingly, when one spouse used we-language, it was the other spouse who felt better.

On the other hand, spouses who used a lot of "me/you" language experienced high levels of negative emotional behaviors and said they were more dissatisfied with their marriages; their partners felt the same way.

What's more, the researchers found that older couples tended to use more "we" words than the middle-aged couples, but the same amount of separateness words. The researchers explain this finding by proposing that because older couples have been together longer, their many shared experiences have likely fostered a greater sense of joint identity.

"It appears that pronouns," the authors conclude, "a seemingly innocuous part of everyday speech, provide an important window into the inner workings of intimate relationships, the qualities of the connections between partners, and the ways that emotions are expressed and regulated as couples deal with the inevitable problems that arise in married life."

5/22/10

Happy Harvey Milk Day!

PA Dem. Senate Candidate Joe Sestak: Specter's phone call the "most gracious"

Joe Sestak received a lot of phone calls from important people this week. He spoke to Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ed Rendell and Philly Mayor Michael Nutter.

But of all those calls, the one that impressed Sestak most was the one that came from Arlen Specter on Tuesday night.

"He was the most gracious, the most professional, in the most positive and warm way," Sestak said in a phone interview. "It was the standard that I’m not sure many people could meet at such a challenging time. I was quite taken with it."

He said Specter said simply, "Congratulations, Joe. I am going to support you."

If you don't have anything nice to say...

Seven Tips for Giving Up Gossip
By Bhikshuni Thubten Chodron from Tricycle.com

1. Recognize that gossip doesn’t undo the situation you’re talking about. It only puts in motion another situation based on negative feelings.

2. Know that comparing yourself to others is useless. Everyone has his or her own talents. In this way, give up jealousy and the wish to put others down.

3. Be aware of and transform your own thoughts, words, and deeds rather than commenting on those of others.

4. Train your mind to see others’ positive qualities and discuss them. This will make you much happier than gossiping ever could.

5. Forgive, knowing that people do harmful things because they are unhappy. If you don’t make someone into an enemy, you won’t want to gossip about him.

6. Have a sense of humor about what you think, say, and do, and be able to laugh at all of the silly things we sentient beings carry out in our attempt to be happy. If you see the humor in our human predicament, you’ll be more patient.

7. Practice saying something kind to someone every day. Do this especially with people you don’t like. It gets easier with practice and bears surprisingly good results.

One inch

One inch of zazen (zen meditation)
is one inch of Buddha

5/21/10

How to tarnish a brand in one step

Another reason why I am wary of fundamentalism, orginalism and other unthinking forms of literalness

On her radio show, Dr. Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet.  It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.  I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ...

End of debate. It's in the Bible - end of argument!

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how best to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexican s, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The problem is how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev. 1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.  Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to deat h. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shell fish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10 - it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.    I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wriggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)?  Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) 

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.


--James M. Kauffman, Ed.D., Professor Emeritus, University of Virginia

5/20/10

"Burn yourself up completely"

“When you do something, you should burn yourself up completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself”

--Suzuki Roshi

5/19/10

What a hail storm looks like in Oklahoma...begin watching at the minute mark

Qualities that made Lincoln a great leader & person

10 Qualities that Made Abraham Lincoln a Great Leader
By Catherine L. Moreton, J.D.

President Abraham Lincoln appointed the best and brightest to his Cabinet, individuals who were also some of his greatest political rivals. He demonstrated his leadership by pulling this group together into a unique team that represented the greatest minds of his time, according to historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Lincoln demonstrated an ability to withstand adversity and to move forward in the face of frustration, said Kearns Goodwin, a keynote speaker at SHRM's 2008 Annual Conference in Chicago. She identified 10 qualities that made Lincoln a great leader. Ten qualities Kearns Goodwin believes we should look for in our present day leaders.

Capacity to Listen to Different Points of View


While researching her Pulitzer Prize winning book, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln , Kearns Goodwin learned that Lincoln had the capacity to listen to different points of view. He created a climate where Cabinet members were free to disagree without fear of retaliation. At the same time, he knew when to stop the discussion and after listening to the various opinions, make a final decision.

Ability to Learn on the Job

Lincoln was able to acknowledge errors, learn from them, and then move. In this way, he established a culture of learning in his administration, said Kearns Goodwin.

Ready Willingness to Share Credit for Success

In response to concerns expressed by friends about the actions of some of his Cabinet members, Lincoln stated that the "path to success and ambition is broad enough for two" said Kearns Goodwin. When there was success, Lincoln shared the credit with all of those involved.

Ready Willingness to Share Blame for Failure

When mistakes were made by members of his Cabinet, Lincoln stood up for them said Kearns Goodwin. When contracts related to the war effort raised serious questions about a member of his administration, Lincoln spoke up and indicated that he and his entire Cabinet were to blame.

Awareness of Own Weaknesses

Kearns Goodwin noted that one of the weaknesses acknowledged by Lincoln was his tendency to give people too many chances and because he was aware, he was able to compensate for that weakness. As an example, she stated that George McClellan, Commander in Chief of the Union Army, refused to follow directives about the war effort. Lincoln eventually set a deadline and eventually removed McClellan from the position.

Ability to Control Emotions

According to Kearns Goodwin, Lincoln treated those he worked with well. However, he did get angry and frustrated, so he found a way to channel those emotions. He was known to sit down and write what he referred to as a "hot letter" to the individual he was angry with and then he would set the letter aside and not send it. If he did lose his temper, Lincoln would follow up with a kind gesture or letter to let the individual know he was not holding a grudge, said Kearns Goodwin. She noted that one of the letters was released as part of Lincoln 's Presidential papers with a notation that it was never signed nor sent.

Know How to Relax and Replenish


Lincoln understood the importance of relaxation and humor to shake of the stress of the day and to replenish himself for the challenges of the next day. According to Kearns Goodwin, Lincoln had a wonderful sense of humor and loved to tell funny stories. He encouraged a healthy atmosphere of laughter and fun in his administration. He also enjoyed going to the theater and spending time with friends.

Go Out into the Field and Manage Directly

During the Civil War, many soldiers died and there were many ups and downs. Lincoln established lasting connections with the troops by visiting the battlefield and hospitals, which also helped bolster morale.

Lincoln also spent time talking with members of the public, taking 'public opinion baths' according to Kearns Goodwin. He held public receptions and made a point of shaking everyone's hand and speaking to each individual.

Strength to Adhere to Fundamental Goals

In the summer of 1964, said Kearns Goodwin, the war was not going well for the North. Members of his political party came to Lincoln and said that there was no way to win the war and he might need to compromise on slavery. Lincoln held firm on the issue of slavery and turned away from this advice.

Ability to Communicate Goals and Vision


Kearns Goodwin stated that Lincoln had a "remarkable ability to communicate his goals to his countrymen." He made concepts simple and communicated with an understanding of the concerns of the citizens.

When the war ended and he won reelection, Lincoln did not focus on his achievements said Kearns Goodwin. Rather, in his second inaugural speech, Lincoln focused on bringing the country together as expressed in the following excerpt. " With malice toward none, with charity for all, ? let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations."

Kearns Goodwin ended her keynote address with the following words from Leo Tolstoy about Abraham Lincoln. His greatness consisted of the "integrity of his character and moral fiber of his being."

5/18/10

GOP congressman & his mistress praise abstinence

New stylish & green underwear company here in SF

Check out PACT

The sacred everyday life

When we use this term “basic goodness” it indicates some fundamental possibility. Life is possible. Situations are possible. And anybody can start to gain some kind of insight and appreciation of their lives. That’s what we call “sacred.” It doesn’t mean something dramatic, but something very simple. There’s a sacredness to everyone’s life. In order to relate to it, you have to build confidence. Because of this need to build confidence, we speak of “warriorship.” There’s a tremendous amount of fear in people’s lives. I think it’s based on not wanting to reveal oneself. You’re always protecting yourself. So the journey of meditation and the journey of Shambhala is “One has to be fearless. One has to be brave. One must break out of the world which is comfort-oriented.”

--Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, "A New Place, A New Time"

Humility: a wonderful word (& personal quality) that often is misdefined as meaning "meek"

We discussed humility in my meditation group last night and tried to name great leaders who show humility in business, politics and in our personal lives. Not a lot quickly come to mind. But no matter, they are out there, quietly and competently doing what needs to be done.

Here is a wise article on this topic:

Humility
The Most Beautiful Word in the English Language
By Bruna Martinuzzi

Many years ago, one of my university professors mentioned that "windowsill" was voted the most beautiful word in the English language. Being an armchair linguist, this factoid naturally stayed with me. Words have enormous power. They can make us erupt into laughter or bring tears to our eyes. They can influence, inspire, manipulate and shock. They can build and destroy. Some words have different effects on different people. One such word is humility. It is one of those words that are seldom in neutral gear. Some, like me, love the word and all it stands for. Some almost fear it and interpret it synonymously with lack of self-confidence or timidity.

The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretence, not believing that you are superior to others. An ancillary definition includes: "Having a lowly opinion of oneself, meekness". The word "humility" first struck me in the context of leadership when Jim Collins mentioned it in his seminal work Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't. In this book, Collins examined companies that went from good to great by sustaining 15-year cumulative stock returns at or below the general stock market, and after a transition point, cumulative returns at least three times the market over the next 15 years.

Among the many characteristics that distinguished these companies from others is that they all had a Level 5 leader. Level 5 leaders direct their ego away from themselves to the larger goal of leading their company to greatness. These leaders are a complex, paradoxical mix of intense professional will and extreme personal humility. They will create superb results but shun public adulation, and are never boastful. They are described as modest. An example of such a leader who epitomized humility is David Packard, the co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, who, in Jim Collins' words, defined himself as a HP man first and a CEO second. He was a man of the people, practicing management by walking around. Shunning all manner of publicity, Packard is quoted as saying: "You shouldn't gloat about anything you've done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do."

Another great leader is Patrick Daniel, CEO of North American energy and pipeline company Enbridge, who espouses two leadership attributes: determination to create results and humility, shifting the focus away from himself and continually recognizing the contributions of others. "I have learned through the lives of great leaders," he said, "that greatness comes from humility and being at times, self-effacing."

Clearly these leaders, and many others like them, don't espouse the meaning of humility as "meek". On the contrary, it is a source of their strength. But the notion of being self-effacing is one that we struggle with in our competitive culture, prescribing that we take every opportunity to toot our own horn, and that we don't dare leave the house without our dynamic elevator speech all rehearsed.

We often confuse humility with timidity. Humility is not clothing ourselves in an attitude of self-abasement or self-denigration. Humility is all about maintaining our pride about who we are, about our achievements, about our worth - but without arrogance - it is the antithesis of hubris, that excessive, arrogant pride which often leads to the derailment of some corporate heroes, as it does with the downfall of the tragic hero in Greek drama. It's about a quiet confidence without the need for a meretricious selling of our wares. It's about being content to let others discover the layers of our talents without having to boast about them. It's a lack of arrogance, not a lack of aggressiveness in the pursuit of achievement.

An interesting dichotomy is that, often, the higher people rise, the more they have accomplished, the higher the humility index. Those who achieve the most brag the least, and the more secure they are in themselves, the more humble they are. "True merit, like a river, the deeper it is, the less noise it makes". (Edward Frederick Halifax). We have all come across people like that and feel admiration for them.

There is also an understated humility of every day people we work with who have the ability to get the job done without drawing attention to themselves. Witness the employee who is working at his computer into the late hours, purely motivated by a keen sense of duty, the executive assistant who stays after 5:30pm on a Friday night in an empty office to await a courier, or the manager who quietly cancels an important personal event to fly out of town to attend to the company's business. This is akin to the philanthropist who gives an anonymous donation.

Humility is also a meta-virtue. It crosses into an array of principles. For example, we can safely declare that there cannot be authenticity without humility. Why? Because, there is always a time in a leader's journey when one will be in a situation of not having all the answers. Admitting this and seeking others' input requires some humility.

Another mark of a leader who practices humility is his or her treatment of others. Such leaders treat everyone with respect regardless of position. Years ago, I came across this reference: the sign of a gentleman is how he treats those who can be of absolutely no use to him.

Something interesting happens, too, when we approach situations from a perspective of humility: it opens us up to possibilities, as we choose open-mindedness and curiosity over protecting our point of view. We spend more time in that wonderful space of the beginner's mind, willing to learn from what others have to offer. We move away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. We forget about being perfect and we enjoy being in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions on practicing humility:

1. There are times when swallowing one's pride is particularly difficult and any intentions of humility fly out the window, as we get engaged in a contest of perfection, each side seeking to look good. If you find yourself in such no-win situations, consider developing some strategies to ensure that the circumstances don't lead you to lose your grace. Try this sometimes: just stop talking and allow the other person to be in the limelight. There is something very liberating in this strategy.

2. Here are three magical words that will produce more peace of mind than a week at an expensive retreat: "You are right."

3. Catch yourself if you benignly slip into over preaching or coaching without permission - is zeal to impose your point of view overtaking discretion? Is your correction of others reflective of your own needs?

4. Seek others' input on how you are showing up in your leadership path. Ask: "How am I doing?" It takes humility to ask such a question. And even more humility to consider the answer.

5. Encourage the practice of humility in your company through your own example: every time you share credit for successes with others, you reinforce the ethos for your constituents. Consider mentoring or coaching emerging leaders on this key attribute of leadership.

There are many benefits to practicing humility, to being in a state of non-pretence: it improves relationships across all levels, it reduces anxiety, it encourages more openness and paradoxically, it enhances one's self-confidence. It opens a window to a higher self. For me, it replaces "windowsill" as the most beautiful word in the English language.

5/17/10

Transforming difficult emotions into a positive attitude

The essential teaching in terms of compassion is that whatever you experience, if it provokes a reaction in you, you can open to that experience. One way to do that is to practice [tonglen,] the mind training technique of taking and sending. If you are getting angry, you imagine that you’re inviting the feeling from all sentient beings into you. If you feel anger coming up, you might practice saying, “May all the anger of all beings come into me.” It’s a way of staying with your own experience of what’s happening in the process of getting angry. You thereby transfer the reactive process into a positive attitude. Just that moment of presence can change everything. It’s a tool.

--Ken Mcleod, "Awakening to Anger" (Summer 1998)

5/13/10

Perfect freedom

When a fish swims, it swims on and on, and there is no end to the water. When a bird flies, it flies on and on, and there is no end to the sky. There was never a fish that swam out of the water or a bird that flew out of the sky. When they need just a little water or sky, they use just a little; when they need a lot, they use a lot. Thus, they use all of it in every moment, and in every place they have perfect freedom.

--Dogen

5/6/10

As I turn 50 on Saturday, I am grateful for my life

Some of the many things I am grateful for: my loving family, wonderful friends, meaningful work, very good health, deep spiritual practice...

Gratitude, the simple and profound feeling of being thankful, is the foundation of all generosity. I am generous when I believe that right now, right here, in this form and this place, I am myself being given what I need. Generosity requires that we relinquish something, and this is impossible if we are not glad for what we have. Otherwise the giving hand closes into a fist and won’t let go.

--Sallie Jiko Tisdale, "As if There is Nothing to Lose"

5/5/10

This is what happens when corporations are accorded the same rights as people: the example of Exxon Valdez


Watch CBS News Videos Online

Anti-gay Christian leader caught with "rent boy"

Another conservative GOPer not walking his talk. Conservative politics is full of closet cases.

Wide-Open Heart and Mind

From Tricycle:

In the morning when you wake up, you reflect on the day ahead and aspire to use it to keep a wide-open heart and mind. At the end of the day, before going to sleep, you think over what you have done. If you fulfilled your aspiration, even once, rejoice in that. If you went against your aspiration, rejoice that you are able to see what you did and are no longer living in ignorance. This way you will be inspired to go forward with increasing clarity, confidence, and compassion in the days that follow.


--Pema Chödrön, ‘Bite-sized Buddhism’ (Fall 2007)

I enjoyed this boy-meets-boy musical set to Michael Sweet's well-loved '90s album, "Girlfriend"



"Girlfriend" is playing now at the Berkeley Rep until May 16th. Here are the reviews.

5/4/10

Supporting those who support us

We learn to keep our relationships and support systems in good repair because we admit to ourselves how much we need them. We take care of others for our own sake as well as theirs. We begin to see that all our relationships are part of a broad spectrum of interconnectedness, and we respect not only the most intimate or most longed-for of our relationships but also all the relationships we have—from the most personal to the most public—which together are always defining who we are and what we need in order to become fully ourselves.

--Barry Magid, "No Gain" (Summer 2008)

Andrew Sullivan reminds us that Blue States are the ones that tend to practice "family values"

Jonathan Rauch reviews Naomi Cahn and June Carbone's new book, Red Families v. Blue Families. Rauch writes that "if you want to find two-parent families with stable marriages and coddled kids, your best bet is to bypass Sarah Palin country and go to Nancy Pelosi territory." His larger thought:

"Blue norms are well adapted to the Information Age. They encourage late family formation and advanced education. They produce prosperous parents with graduate degrees, low divorce rates, and one or two over-protected children.

Red norms, on the other hand, create a quandary. They shun abortion (which is blue America's ultimate weapon against premature parenthood) and emphasize abstinence over contraception. But deferring sex in today's cultural environment, with its wide acceptance of premarital sex, is hard. Deferring sex and marriage until you get a college or graduate degree -- until age 23 or 25 or beyond -- is harder still. "Even the most devout overwhelmingly do not abstain until marriage," Cahn and Carbone write...

The result of this red quandary, Cahn and Carbone argue, is a self-defeating backlash. Moral traditionalism fails to prevent premarital sex and early childbirth. Births precipitate more early marriages and unwed parenthood. That, in turn, increases family breakdown while reducing education and earnings."

5/3/10

Conservative Latinos reconsider their ties to the Party of No (and Fear)

Given the white anti-immigration and tea party rage sweeping the Republican party, conservative Latinos wisely realize that they are being thrown under the increasingly-angry GOP bus. Read the report from the WSJ.

Vanity Fair captures World Cup sexiness

Sunday, I saw & loved this movie that wowed crowds at Sundance: "I am Love"

The pull of desire

Pick something you want: a physical object, a relationship, or some form of recognition. Let the feeling of desire arise. Experience how it arises in your body, feel all the emotions it triggers, and let all the stories it tells just be there. Don’t be distracted. Don’t try to control the experience. Don’t work at anything. If you discover another level of yearning, move into that. When you move into the desire completely, a shift takes place and you know it as just an arising in experience. Now look at the object of your desire again. What has changed?

By going into the experience of desire itself, rather than acting on it, you let go of the belief that you are incomplete. The energy of desire ceases to dictate behavior and, instead, fuels presence: being completely in the experience of what is, internally and externally.


- Ken McLeod, "The Riddle of Desire

Obama on McCain & Arizona's new Immigration law